trying - again....

here i am - just me + Lily;
my beautiful Bear has left the building...so at this point, my days are filled with tears

unusual for me - but so much has changed now

just looking back over the last few years on this blog
it is hard - just to try to read lines without even stopping for a moment - i cannot read like you are doing - at speed - recalling every word even if you read 40 pages - you will still want to Get To The End...
if i read 3 lines i have to stop - sit back - look away...then carry on if i have to mindset of the day - some days?
better to be outside in the the cold, trying not to think...

- some of this [below] is quite confusing [even to me....]
plus, i  created another separate blog when i thought i would be All OK - but that isn't very useful, as my reading / writing + comprehension are all something that make it hard for me to get the correct words / the way of explaining things etc
i really thought - for so long - i would be back to Me....

unfortunately i have started to understand [properly] what really happened to me.

for many, they look down + see nothing other that what it looks like...not the reality of what it really is

see below - 5 years back [after Lily's little face] 
ALMOST published on 05/11/2020 - handily, i couldn't work out how to publish it...

i may just begin to use this one again, as it doesn't need changing at all, whereas the second blog gives different fonts / pages etc etc - too much chaos...i become very frustrated

so - we'll see. it is not like i have anyone to chat to, so putting totally tedious waffle on here?
why not why not why not...​

"11/2020

Do your post heere ... then preview , change accordingly and then publish :)

:(

ok

goog;e have f**ked the other thing by the look of it .. google do that. 

I know

twits

ok. disc space fixed. cant fix blog soz!

ok! Thanks very much Pete  :))no w"