funny

I REALLY have to stop looking at the News…it is doing my head in…I worry about becoming addicted to that insanity that is called 'news'. News?? Riiiight…

Apparently "Swearing Helps to Reduce Pain". I bet that'll go down well in the hospital wards. "Sorry Nurse, but I swore my head off at you because something was hurting" …of COURSE you did…I wonder how much swearing it'll take to make pain killers obsolete? Might have to swear QUITE a lot I think.

And I saw this today, which cracked me up too…thanks Phil. Pretty surreal. And no, I don't drink Evian.

So. Hilarity apart, this week I am mainly wondering about the lumps on my elbows. Or the top of my ulna rather. This is probably a refreshing change from the pain in my side? Mrs Hypochondriac Strikes Again.

At first I thought I'd been bitten, then the lumpy bits have sort of spread. A bit like that skin disease, psoriasis, but not red or scaly – just lumpy. It started on my right elbow, now it's also appeared on the left elbow. It's not on the bone, just under the skin. Weird. And irritating.

Hmm…lumps and bumps. A definite 'no-no' in my book. So I am off to the GP on Thursday to see if he knows what it is. At least he will 'know a man who can' if he doesn't know what it is. And I will be able to stop worrying about it. Definitely shouldn't have googled it – you will never guess what it comes back with? No. Do not! It's a no brainer…

And for anyone just about to start chemo or treatment for ovarian cancer, see this: the happy feet program. Such a nice thing when you are feeling really gruesome. I think they are going to send me some, as I am a Survivor. Pretty cool! I shall put a photo up if they do. Ovations for a Cure do a LOT to help bring awareness of ovarian cancer to women. Thanks girls.

Cancer Research UK's new TV advert

I just saw this on the News. It's an excellent advert, I cried my eyes out. I'm sure a lot of people will.

I KNEW it would be a bad idea to look at the news… ;o)

 

better day

Today was great. Totally recovered from yesterdays fugue. Initially I didn't feel like getting out of bed that's for sure – just wanted to stay there and pretend everything is normal. And probably wallow in self pity. But  the smell of bacon from the kitchen got my arse into gear!

Every morning, Aj brings me a cup of coffee before I get up, I think it's probably the very best thing ever. I love it. Every morning!! Imagine…I can sit in bed having my coffee, contemplating whether or not to rise. Obviously I have to get up, but it gives me the chance to think well maybe I don't have to. That cup of coffee allows me 30 minutes of peace and decision making time. Bliss!

And every Sunday we have poached egg on toast with bacon. I read the silly 'women's magazine' from the Sunday paper, and Aj reads the news [yuck! I totally don't – enough bad news thanks]. I Google all the interesting links about fashion and food and makeup. Today I discovered amazing mascara. Good, I love mascara. It's the same one Judi Spiers recommended, so I'm going to buy it. She has great eyelashes.

I spent the day doing the garden  - always my favourite pastime. Better even than reading! I needed to cut back the Wisteria. Done – took 4 hours mind you [the Wisteria goes all around the entire house – and tries to climb over the roof too], but Aj did all the clearing away, so that helped a lot. Then I decided to attack the blasted Convolvulus that has taken over one of my roses..aargh!! I am now slashed to bits, covered in blood and off for a bath. DEATH to all Convolvulus I say!!

Aj BBQ'd some ribs,fish and pork chops for dinner – amazing. [Jones does good BBQ! Yesterday he made Tortilha. What a bonus – cute hubby who cooks!] woop woop. So we sat on the veranda in the sun and ate it – fab. Then the rain arrived so now we are indoors.

Yay to husbands that can deal with lots of BS…without having a fit, and without 'not talking' to me…brilliant. I know most people would think that after the chemo etc it's 'done', everything should be back to 'normal.' well, WRONG…I don't think you ever get over having had cancer [particularly OC, as the chance of recurrence is so high]. I don't think I will ever not worry about it.

Thanks Jones – you're amazing.

here I am chopping the poor old Wisteria up…

er…error

aargh - the post I posted earlier has disappeared?? Whitestone, your comment moved to a different post?? – or went into the ether..sorry. grr. I knew there would be SOME drama using a new programme. Oh well, such is life!!

well, today I discovered this interesting thing on my computer that I’d never seen before. yes, yes, I know "how is this possible?" you are thinking. Well, my pc has so many programmes on it that it’s like an Indian bazaar…filled with lots of colourful things and utterly confusing to the eye…so just never mind that. It’s a thing called Windows Live Writer – and I am now testing it, as it said to me that it can publish my blog right from this page [the page I am typing in now on the pc] to my blog. So, it’ll probably all go tits up and you’ll all want to kill me for either multiple posting or some other chaos.

And YES it deleted one post…how? Don't know how. Anyway, it seems it only saves ONE post at a time. So, here we go again.

crap day

Right!! Now I know it works, off we go. Clever innit? To get to the actual point of this whole evenings post. Hmm. I have forgotten what I wanted to post about. MERDE!!! I get THAT furious with this – Oh, I have remembered…it's the combination of hot flashes, pain and chemo brain. Drives me mad.

I am so easily distracted – i do wonder if it's a matter of 'forgetting' things or simply a matter of drifting off. I seem to be concentrating on one thing, then 2 minutes later, I am somewhere else completely. Then I am thinking: 'what??' oh yes…' back to the drawing board. Again. Chemo brain. Such fun. NOT.

Today started out rather well. I slept in until 9.00. That's ok – it's Saturday right? And we were out last night. So. I bumbled about the house, checking email, seeing the current catalogue I am making [which I STILL don't quite like], drinking coffee blah blah. Then I decided that maybe I wouldn't go to circuit training today. Ha! The next minute my new 'skort' arrived in the post. Obviously a message from God saying 'get your fat butt into gear'. And I had to go to the post office anyway, so off I went. All skorted up. Felt rather a tart, as the skort is rather short! Class was hideous. Far too much cheery exercise.

eep!! lots of fireworks going off behind our house – hello typos..:o)

Got home and, full of energy, intended to do the garden. Ho ho…NOT. Rained all day. Wisteria, do your worst. I don't care. It's raining. I hate rain. It should rain in the night. Useful.

And that was it. I went into one of those days where even to pick up my hand seems too much trouble. I feel totally leaden. All my energy is gone. Like I should just lie down and go to sleep. Even breathing seems too hard. Uff. Not good.

And the pain in my left side is back. It scares me. I am a wuss. What is it? Sensitive bowel or the cancer has come back? After all, hoiking out and washing your bowels can't get rid of those little dormant cells now can it? Die cells, die…but having them taken out and washed must have consequences right? Hopefully the pain is just a consequence…

Today I don't care if I am a wuss. I had lots of those stupid, horrible hot flashes. So I absconded to the garden [where it is freezing cold] and had a good old cry. I am sick and tired of hot flashes, joint pain, side pain and worrying about bullshit that may never happen [here's hoping].

Why the crying? I am pissed off with hot flashes. I am also pissed off with pains in my side, insomnia, joint pain when I go up the stairs…worrying about a recurrence of this bitching disease and worrying about why they scan women in the USA and not here…and why I am having pains in my head, and why am I worried anyway?? And feeling like I am too young to have this joint BS. Grr.

Ah yes…I know. I should just 'get over it'. Er – not. I am mostly over it, this is true. But some days…well.

Here's a nice photo to cheer you up after this miserable post! My amazing husband.