it’s THAT month again

Ovarian Cancer Awareness month. The disease is Ovarian cancer [clue is in the title] and the PLAN is to make women AWARE OF THE SYMPTOMS. Because many women aren’t, and as a result, they are misdiagnosed, and lives that could be saved – well, they’re lost.

This sucks.

So, ladies, get your sensible heads on. We have a responsibility for our own health, so check out the symptoms. Yes, it’s a bore. Yes, it’s a little frightening when you read them. And YES you SHOULD read them and think ‘yikes, I have that!’.

They are remarkably similar to IBS. They are easy to mistake for everyday tiredness. They are subtle, but also, not so subtle, because they are NOT a norm for your body. Listen to your body – if any of the following are persistent for 3 WEEKS OR MORE, get your little self to the GP. ASK the question. Most of the time, these symptoms are nothing to worry about, but if they are PERSISTANT, then get them checked out.

• unexplained BLOATING
• FEELING FULL quickly or loss of appetite
• pelvic or stomach PAIN
• needing to pee urgently or more frequently than normal

The chances are it’s nothing serious – but then again, it could be. So, be sensible.

Research has found that over half of ovarian cancer cases are misdiagnosed. According to Target Ovarian Cancer, up to 500 lives could be saved if the disease was diagnosed much earlier.

“Early diagnosis is at the core of our £750 million cancer strategy and plays a vital role in our aim to improve cancer survival rates and save an extra 5,000 lives every year by 2014.

This is why last week we launched the Be Clear on Cancer campaign to raise public awareness of the key symptoms of ovarian cancer and encourage those with the symptoms to visit their GP.”

– DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH SPOKESMAN

So – get with the program!!

On a more cheerful note, I have reached my £3000 target for the Cuba cycle! I have a fabulous event coming up on Easter Sunday, so I am now going to try to beat what I raised last year. If you would like to help, please donate here – every penny counts!!

Thanks to everyone who has helped me! Especially my Bella :)

whatever words I say…

will not help…

this post may be a bit demented. Today has been a bitch. BITCH!!

today I have been thinking about the day my friend Gaynor died. Of ovarian cancer – it simply grabbed her, shook her and didn't let go. It was like a monster. It IS a monster – but on this occasion, it was more monsterish than usual.

She fought like a tiger. And she really did; she did all the right things – green tea, the 'right' food, lots of exercise etc. She was a tiny little person with a ton of energy - she wore amazing shoes – she gave wonderful advice. She was a good friend to me in the short time we knew one another. 

What the fuck happened? Oh. Yes. Ovarian Cancer happened.

I am amazed – more than a whole year has passed since she was alive?? No. But – yes. Today was odd – I spent it thinking of her death – usually thoughts of Gaynor are of her life. She made a huge impression on me, helping me with my confidence with just one sentence.

But today my thoughts  were of death. Gaynor's death. And how unfair things can be sometimes.

louder than silence louder than bells…

Laurel – where are you my friend?

Laurel with Diane :)

2013

Far too much rambling going on here on this blog…but I wanted to say how grateful I am for a year so far where the worst thing that happened was I have had [and still have!] a virus. Coughing my guts up! But it’s the first time for years [literally] that we’ve been able to just worry about the usual things. Like coughs and colds.

And like how we’re going to lose the 3 kilos we gained from stuffing our faces with too much cheese and biscuits at Christmas!

Anyone with cancer who is reading this – have hope. Sometimes it takes ages, but sometimes things DO turn around. But it doesn’t just happen on it’s own unfortunately. And there’s lots of battering along the way usually too. But eventually, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. I was diagnosed with stage 3B in 2008. Not a lot of hope of living more than 5 years – but I HAVE.

So far, so good.

why the hell not?

I have been walking around my head a little bit this evening. Having a ‘cancery’ attack.  Feeling at once sad and happy – cross and so very, very grateful. But sad. People have asked me why I am doing yet another one of these fund raising cycles. Why? Ah…million dollar question. Firstly, why the hell not? It raises money to save lives. It forces me to get fitter [well, the FH forces me actually]. I am NOT a cyclist really. I struggle. But it’s worth it! People who have had cancer really need to try and be fit.

And. The funds go to research. For ovarian, breast and cervical cancers. Of course, the most important one to me is ovarian, not only because I had it, but because cervical and breast cancer are pretty much out there. Women KNOW about the symptoms, thanks to the massive efforts of the breast cancer girls, and certainly Jade Goody brought cervical cancer to the forefront during her battle with it. Plus there are tried and tested tests for both. NOT so for ovarian cancer.

So. Ovarian cancer? We are still struggling to get women to know the symptoms, and the treatment today is as near as damn it the same as what it was 30 years ago. Incredibly.

Another reason is the death of so many friends – killed by ovarian cancer – because we don’t know enough. We don’t know how to save them. Diane Davis Waller, Gaynor Hall, sweet Jayne Armstrong – Tammy Woodward, BJ Gallagher, Patty Higgins, Thelma Hugget, Kelly Godfrey, Jo McGowan…on and on…they live in me, but I have Survivors Guilt – a ridiculous thing! I KNOW all of them are jumping for joy for me, that I am still here to bitch and moan and laugh and cry – but still. I miss them, I miss the hilarious conversations we had, the laughs. The cries. They were my friends. So it breaks my heart that they are gone. And yes, I feel guilty that I am still alive – hence, I feel I need to pay back for that blessing. 

So I do the ride for them too. And for the women I know who are still struggling with treatment – long days of chemo, terrifying phone calls about bad results…different treatments for recurrence. Hateful. I need to do something for them.

And no, it’s not a ‘jolly’. It’s HARD. We spend over a year begging for money. We train – which is difficult to fit into busy lives. We all have jobs, kids, husbands etc. THEY are the support team. Thanks to them, we can do this.

And we cycle up bloody mountains! But the camaraderie of the other women gets us up them – the whole thing is an incredibly emotional experience. It brings one to tears when someone that you know that can’t afford it, puts five pounds into the pot. The messages on my justgiving page almost always make me cry. People are incredibly generous and kind.

So, Sceptics – I am doing this cycle because I want to. Because I want to honour my friends. Because I NEED to give something back. Because I can. And some of my friends can’t. So I’m cycling for them.

If you go to Costa for a coffee and cake, it could cost you almost £6.00 – could you have one at home, and simply donate the fiver to this amazing cause? Just once. Miss Costa for a day…it’d mean a lot! Costa don’t actually need the money – we do.

Thanks. Very much.

Please donate here if you can?

...and breathe....

This week I am a VERY happy person. And also a slightly scared person.

Happy because 5 years ago this week, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer Stage 3B. Spread to my bowel, omentum etc etc – so I did not have the best prognosis. I was given a 70% chance of survival. And now, the Five Year Thing! I can’t believe it.

I remember when I first met Emily, and we spoke online for hours. And we were both convinced we were going to die. For me, the miracle that we are still here to do awareness articles, blog posts, TV interviews and random other stuff still amazes me.

We are so lucky. I notice this EVERY day. Particularly this week. So, GO us! We are constantly trying to raise awareness, trying to spare some unfortunate woman what we went through – hopefully. And if we're misquoted [which we ARE constantly – some journalists don’t seem to speak/understand English at all, even when it’s written down for them!], at some point, we won't be - and if we're exhausted with it all, which we are sometimes, somewhere, someone is more exhausted than we are. So it’s worth it. No matter what.

For me, really, my ‘5 years’ will be up in August though, as that is when I finished my treatment. But saying that, this week is certainly a landmark for me. Here I am. Five years down the road, still alive and kicking. Gotta be a good thing! I didn’t expect to survive this long, and I am grateful for every day. So; very happy.

The scared bit is that I have recently discovered that in stage 3 ovarian cancer of the type I had, most recurrences occur AFTER the 5 year mark. What? How is it that I didn’t know that? And now that I do , I can’t ‘unknow’ it. Which is irritating. Better I never knew! So. A bit scary. But I think I will just carry on as if I don’t know. No point worrying about it any more than I usually do!

And all of this week I've been thinking I had a melanoma on my scalp and was about to be diagnosed with a ‘New and Interesting’ type of cancer. No sleep at all. I made an appointment with my lovely GP for next Wednesday  [he is a busy man] and thought that I would be able to calmly wait it out. Unfortunately NOT!

Three sleepless nights later and yesterday I gave in to the panic attacks and made an emergency appointment with my *AMAZING* GP and [yay] it's NOT cancer...just some scabby head wart thing that apparently everyone gets? – [a worry wart?] and nothing to worry about. I was so relieved that it seemed like I was breathing pure oxygen. I was babbling. Running about in manic relief. Talking too much – being too cheerful.

I expected the worst – my cancery brain was saying that as I was diagnosed this week 5 years back, I'd be diagnosed again now – with a cancer that also kills people. Just a different one. Google – no! My brain is traitorous at times! According to my doctor, this is perfectly normal. I have spent the week with cold sweats, heart stopping moments and terrifying breathlessness. So, very happily, I bow to the knowledge of my GP. The thing on my head is benign – excellent; I can rebook my hairdressing appointment!

so, happy cancer-versary to me!
...and breathe....