Sunday, 30 November 2008

Facebook for Good video!

here's the Facebook for Good video! Eek!


Sunday 30th November

Oi! I just got back from two weeks working away in Portugal. I was really pleased with myself, as I only had one day of that stupid chemo fatigue – I drove the 4 hours back home from Gatwick even, with no problems. So, an achievement! While I was there I saw all my friends which was wonderful, and I was spoiled rotten by The Style Queen...she would have dragged me off for all sorts of treats if I’d allowed her to, but I was too tired, and reneged. But she did make me a fab facial and took me to lunch every day – what more can one ask? AND the company have renewed my contract for another year, which is great, so I arrived back exhausted but feeling as if I’d managed rather well. As usual, onward and upward!

Arrived home to discover that I have been voted a finalist in the Facebook for Good contest – this is basically a competition to see who has used Facebook to their best advantage this year – to their own good. I entered a story, telling how I had been in touch with friends from school and old friends from all sorts of countries...NOT expecting to be a finalist at all, just hoping to make Ovarian Cancer a little more ‘visible’. And, lo and behold, I am a finalist! Amazing, as there are literally hundreds of stories, all touching in their own way, and I am in the top five? Incredible! So, while I was away, a cute little video camera arrived (the prize) with which I had to make a video to back up my initial story. Oh dear. I do hate live feed of myself!

It had to be in by 10.30pm today, so you can imagine the frenzy this weekend – trying to put something together that made sense. It doesn’t include all my friends, just the Facebook Brigade, and even then it was hard to put into 3 minutes [the max allowed] quite how much everyone has supported and helped me. Anyway, it’s done now, and we’ll hope for the best – the final prize is €3000 for your favourite charity or €1000 for yourself. I am trying to decide between Force and Ovacome – but don’t need to worry too much about that unless I win, which I seriously doubt I will. But it’s fun trying! And everyone, as usual, has been brilliant, sending pics of themselves and then cheering when the video finally appeared on YouTube...phew...we went to the pub to calm down! Oh and today I got an iPhone!! Whoo hoo – with a 16 month contract. All long term things have been put on hold in my head until recently, but now I am back in the real world – out of the ‘I have cancer and might die’ world. What a relief...

And last but not least – my hair is growing ten to the dozen [my hairdresser in Portugal, Romi, said I have MORE hair than before!] so I’ve had mad highlights put into it. This has to have been the first time in my life that I enjoyed going to the hairdressers. Now I look as if I have a hair style, rather than ‘chemo’ hair growing back. Gotta be a good thing!!

Wednesday, 5 November 2008

oh no!

Wednesday 5th November

Bloody hell. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. This week was the exploding cooker extractor hood. And People Going to Brazil. Oh and by the way Pat - you're looking very interesting here. :o)

Today's Episode is one of my best friends doing a disappearing act. Grr. Fabulous for her, but hideous for me - I think. I may be wrong [I hope so], as we will keep in touch - but it’s not the same. Is it? So, starting from the beginning - Pat is leaving Cinca [where we all work] and this is nothing unexpected really. So, not anything to panic about right? Hmm. Well, maybe a little... A: she has been one of my mainstays this year and I have come to rely on her for sensible advice and just the odd chat when I have become frantic...B: she organises my work. Oh no; panic mode!! Why is it that so many things send me into a tailspin these days? And - how selfish am I? Er - very, it seems, as after I heard her good news, I was I tears on and off for an hour - why? You may well ask. If I were a good friend I would be dancing around the house for her wouldn’t I? Three years in Brazil? Oh yes! How wonderful an opportunity is that? And who wouldn't go for it?

And I am. Really pleased for her. But another part of me is saying; No! Don’t go - don’t cause a change in my already demented life...please can everything stay the same for a little while? I was really hoping that next year would be dull and boring. Or rather – not so much 'dull and boring' as 'the same' - no dramatic changes. Seems not, as it will be full of a new person [which is nice] but lacking a 'old' one, which is not nice at all. But sadly and brilliantly, that’s what life is all about - change, grow, move on. Before the cancer, this was a norm for me; change and evolve, great stuff - now I just don’t really want anything new and exciting to happen for a few months.

You know of course that the Chinese use the expression: "May you live in interesting times" as a curse? I can totally identify with that. Interesting? No thank you! Not this year anyway.

I would just like some peace and quiet where everything just bumbles along - nobody going anywhere new, nothing 'interesting' [I have started to dislike 'interesting' actually] happening and everyone remaining just as they are. Well, this is not possible, and I know that. So - I shall miss you when I am in Portugal - BUT...I shall see you in Brazil!

Monday, 3 November 2008

trying to be normal

Monday 1st November

Currently, I am driving the husband mad. I hate my hairstyle [‘style’? I don’t think so] and can’t seem to get to grips with the fact that I should be ‘grateful to have hair at all’...WHAT?! It’s all very well for people who have hair to say this – and good for them. But if you’ve lost your hair through no fault of your own, it’s not so easy to cope with. In fact, I would say it sucks. Totally. As in; HAVING NO HAIR SUCKS!! get it?? I am not grateful to have hair – I expect to have bloody hair! It’s a normal thing! Not a thing you should have to be grateful for.

If you have short hair - well, good for you, but you made the choice didn’t you? You didn’t wake up one morning with long hair, then wash it, and end up with NO hair – did you? Er – no. You didn’t. So, remarks like: ‘don’t worry it will grow’ don’t go down too well with cancer patients. We also live in the real world - we KNOW it will grow. Doh!! We didn’t have our brains removed with our cancer thank you.

At the moment, I am in ‘hair crisis’ mode – I feel extremely ugly. All the time. It is not feminine to have hair that is 1cm long [or short – depending on your view point] and I have even considered going back to the wig - grr, that’s got to be bad, as I hated wearing a wig, as it made me feel like a ‘cancer patient’ – bah and humbug to that.

So, we go through the surgery – we manage. We go through the chemo – we manage that too. Then, we try to get back to ‘normal’ life – that’s the hard bit. People seem to think that once you’ve finished chemo, you’re fine. WRONG WRONG WRONG. We have to deal with the fact that cancer will always be at the back of our minds no matter what. We also have to deal with a completely different body than the one we had before – and the suspicion that lies in the mind. The suspicion of our own body – well, not too cool to say the least. The one thing you sort of trust is your own body – until it attacks you.

So, I am sorry if I go on about my hair, but it’s because I don’t have much – and the bit I DO have is demented – one more shampoo advert ad I shall go totally mental...