Monday, 3 November 2008

trying to be normal

Monday 1st November

Currently, I am driving the husband mad. I hate my hairstyle [‘style’? I don’t think so] and can’t seem to get to grips with the fact that I should be ‘grateful to have hair at all’...WHAT?! It’s all very well for people who have hair to say this – and good for them. But if you’ve lost your hair through no fault of your own, it’s not so easy to cope with. In fact, I would say it sucks. Totally. As in; HAVING NO HAIR SUCKS!! get it?? I am not grateful to have hair – I expect to have bloody hair! It’s a normal thing! Not a thing you should have to be grateful for.

If you have short hair - well, good for you, but you made the choice didn’t you? You didn’t wake up one morning with long hair, then wash it, and end up with NO hair – did you? Er – no. You didn’t. So, remarks like: ‘don’t worry it will grow’ don’t go down too well with cancer patients. We also live in the real world - we KNOW it will grow. Doh!! We didn’t have our brains removed with our cancer thank you.

At the moment, I am in ‘hair crisis’ mode – I feel extremely ugly. All the time. It is not feminine to have hair that is 1cm long [or short – depending on your view point] and I have even considered going back to the wig - grr, that’s got to be bad, as I hated wearing a wig, as it made me feel like a ‘cancer patient’ – bah and humbug to that.

So, we go through the surgery – we manage. We go through the chemo – we manage that too. Then, we try to get back to ‘normal’ life – that’s the hard bit. People seem to think that once you’ve finished chemo, you’re fine. WRONG WRONG WRONG. We have to deal with the fact that cancer will always be at the back of our minds no matter what. We also have to deal with a completely different body than the one we had before – and the suspicion that lies in the mind. The suspicion of our own body – well, not too cool to say the least. The one thing you sort of trust is your own body – until it attacks you.

So, I am sorry if I go on about my hair, but it’s because I don’t have much – and the bit I DO have is demented – one more shampoo advert ad I shall go totally mental...


  1. Oh my, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. You speak for so many of us who are dealing with the same issues, all I can say is that it SUCKS!!

  2. I'm with Kia! You do speak for me on this issue too! However, I was one of those people who periodically had short hair - but never THAT short. :)

    I will say that it grows fast once it starts growing. I am amazed at how much hair I have (growing since late Feb/early March). I have at least three inches, and I've had it cut twice (for shaping).

    Hang in there, and know that you are beautiful with or without hair!


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