Wednesday, 5 November 2008

oh no!

Wednesday 5th November

Bloody hell. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. This week was the exploding cooker extractor hood. And People Going to Brazil. Oh and by the way Pat - you're looking very interesting here. :o)

Today's Episode is one of my best friends doing a disappearing act. Grr. Fabulous for her, but hideous for me - I think. I may be wrong [I hope so], as we will keep in touch - but it’s not the same. Is it? So, starting from the beginning - Pat is leaving Cinca [where we all work] and this is nothing unexpected really. So, not anything to panic about right? Hmm. Well, maybe a little... A: she has been one of my mainstays this year and I have come to rely on her for sensible advice and just the odd chat when I have become frantic...B: she organises my work. Oh no; panic mode!! Why is it that so many things send me into a tailspin these days? And - how selfish am I? Er - very, it seems, as after I heard her good news, I was I tears on and off for an hour - why? You may well ask. If I were a good friend I would be dancing around the house for her wouldn’t I? Three years in Brazil? Oh yes! How wonderful an opportunity is that? And who wouldn't go for it?

And I am. Really pleased for her. But another part of me is saying; No! Don’t go - don’t cause a change in my already demented life...please can everything stay the same for a little while? I was really hoping that next year would be dull and boring. Or rather – not so much 'dull and boring' as 'the same' - no dramatic changes. Seems not, as it will be full of a new person [which is nice] but lacking a 'old' one, which is not nice at all. But sadly and brilliantly, that’s what life is all about - change, grow, move on. Before the cancer, this was a norm for me; change and evolve, great stuff - now I just don’t really want anything new and exciting to happen for a few months.

You know of course that the Chinese use the expression: "May you live in interesting times" as a curse? I can totally identify with that. Interesting? No thank you! Not this year anyway.

I would just like some peace and quiet where everything just bumbles along - nobody going anywhere new, nothing 'interesting' [I have started to dislike 'interesting' actually] happening and everyone remaining just as they are. Well, this is not possible, and I know that. So - I shall miss you when I am in Portugal - BUT...I shall see you in Brazil!

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