Tuesday, 4 October 2011

25 days to go!

Only 25 days until we cycle 400km across Kenya? Surely not!  It doesn't seem like over a year and a half ago since I signed up for this challenge. [although some days it feels like 10 years…fund raising is a tad exhausting]

The training is going quite well, although the mental half of it has been the hardest – just getting to grips with the fact that I should be able to do it [WILL be able to!], avoiding panic and concentrating on just doing it! Unfortunately Kenya has just declared war on the Somalian militia too – but that's about 600 miles from where we are, and hopefully won't affect us. Fingers crossed. Being kidnapped really would be a bore.

The FH and I have been cycling to Budleigh and back [about 35 miles round trip with good elevations] and it's started to feel like it's too short a ride Yay! That's got to be good right? Here's the bike and me on Budleigh beach…just after being yelled at by an Old Crone for cycling down the Front…what a naughty person I am eh?

cycle kenya 001

The other thing I've been struggling with is depression – what? As you, my jolly blog followers know, I am usually a most positive person – but recently I have been waging war with PTSD.

It's insidious and subtle…it makes me lethargic and uninterested. It robs my self confidence and flattens my spirit. I am trying to find my own way of coping, but if I don't sort it out soon, I'll be calling MacMillan. But I am trying to avoid that really. It's not like I don't know WHY I am depressed – it's just that I don't know how to get rid of it. Logic doesn't seem to work. Apparently it's common. But that doesn't help either. The thing is, it's intermittent – so how can I ask for help? Mostly it's to do with work – not having any really. And death. And I am tired of not doing what I'm good at, and tired of working for the minimum wage…long and short – I am peeved  in general! It's a common theme for cancery types – we just want our normal lives back – and that's never going to happen.

And the PCCI doesn't help! So horrible to think it may last 10 years or more. It's VERY frustrating, as non cancery people don't believe that it's real. Well. Take it from me – it IS. But then again, if I live for another ten years, the irritation will be worth it ;)

But all this BS aside – I am looking forward to Kenya. It's going to be an amazing experience, and an amazing achievement if I do it.  Spent Sunday with Vicky the Step Daughter, and that helped me a lot – she has such a fabulous attitude. She has changed my outlook from worried to totally NOT worried. Gotta love that!

An ice cream stop on the way back from Budleigh…

So far, I have raised £4,613.00. Please, if you can, donate now – I would love to hit K5! Donate here.

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