still raising funds!

What a busy year this is – the time is just flying away…it's like water slipping through my hands. So many things happening all the time and I can't keep up. So many people I am neglecting…but luckily for me, I know they understand.

Friday just gone Vicky and I did a fund raiser in Stoke at the Baddeley Green Working Men's Club again – we raised £1225.00 before expenses. Vicky and I came away with £450 each to add to our Cycle Kenya funds – brilliant! I still have a load of money to put into my justgiving page, but haven't had time. I barely have time to sleep!

Saturday, I met up with some friends – one old friend I have known since my diagnosis yet never actually met, Emily. Two other friends I have met since then through Ovacome, and they have joined the jolly cancery group on Facebook. We had a lovely lunch and a massive chat – what a great afternoon. As usual, I was shattered…we took 4 1/2 hours to get to Stoke, did the event, collapsed into bed and then Saturday lots going on then the drive home [which was excellent – only 3 hours!].

And here's another friend I met up with in Stoke :) Annie couldn't make the lunch, but she made the event! Thanks sweetie!

In July, I am doing the LAST but not least fundraiser for the cycle Kenya fund – still trying to organise the date, but it will be fab if it comes off, as we have a free event photographer, a gorgeous Burlesque dancer, two bands [so far] and a BBC Devon newsreader to compère the event. Yay! Just some confusion over the date at the moment, but as soon as that is resolved, I will post the event here.

I started training for the Kenya cycle today [better late than never eh?] – 10 mile round trip in horrible wind. I seriously hate wind – I suffered from earache as a child, and wind always makes my ears try to kill me. And I am struggling with my hands being so painful since chemo and with the adhesions. But I WILL do this. I will. Although today I rather thought I wouldn't…I really hate wind…all I kept thinking was there will not be freezing wind in Kenya! Didn't stop me thinking I wouldn't be able to do it though..but I will. I have to!!

This was after a shopping trip [or three] to buy the necessities for the training weekend in the Cotswolds the week after next – shorts, helmet, waterproof jacket etc. I'll need all those things in Kenya, so hey ho – but being involved in a charity event is expensive! But worth it. In the meantime, the check up looms…but so does another week in Spain! yay!

I refuse to entertain any other result of my check-up than a good one. Most of the time.

passing

time. passing time – that's what we want to say isn't it? but really, it's passing people…actually I hate the expression 'so and so has PASSED'. They died for Pete's sake – they didn't PASS anywhere.

The last few months have been exhausting with all the damned 'passing'. I'd quite like it to STOP now thanks.

First. My Dad. Then. Too many lovely women being killed by this disease…Enough that I know them. Too much that I know them and they died. Or knew. I knew them. Or a little of them. Now, I remember them. I remember their fight. Their way of coping. Their enforced energy in the face of exhaustion. Their pride and strength in the face of the fear.

Them. Their selves. I am so sad for their families.

As for me. I have had a completely hideous week. On Tuesday I was ill. Just your normal illness, gut rot! I had horrible stomach pains and felt sick all day -  I had to meet a client, and luckily the design manager brought us cookies. Seems like sugar was what I needed most, as soon as I ate one, I felt better for hours. But it didn't last. I have been feeling ill on and off all week. The most worrying thing being the complete exhaustion. Today I went to bed at lunchtime – this is the first time I've done this since I was in chemo. So. You can imagine – I am worried. These are symptoms – pain in the gut, exhaustion, bloating [yep, I have that too]. I just want to sleep all the time.

Worry worry. I didn't know my check up date until today as I wasn't concerned – I felt great until this week. Now, I KNOW the date – and may bring it forward.

Why is it that cancer is such a mental disease as well as a physical one? My brain is just like the Peperami ad…full of deranged things racing about…

And here is the FH enjoying Wembley

so sad...

we lost yet another amazing woman to this vicious disease.

Goodbye Sarah - you have helped me to realise that we CAN fight it if it comes back. And that we can also choose a dignified death.

But we'll miss you. I'll miss you. Your family most of all, will miss you.

So. It sucks. But Sarah has left the building!