time. passing time – that's what we want to say isn't it? but really, it's passing people…actually I hate the expression 'so and so has PASSED'. They died for Pete's sake – they didn't PASS anywhere.
The last few months have been exhausting with all the damned 'passing'. I'd quite like it to STOP now thanks.
First. My Dad. Then. Too many lovely women being killed by this disease…Enough that I know them. Too much that I know them and they died. Or knew. I knew them. Or a little of them. Now, I remember them. I remember their fight. Their way of coping. Their enforced energy in the face of exhaustion. Their pride and strength in the face of the fear.
Them. Their selves. I am so sad for their families.
As for me. I have had a completely hideous week. On Tuesday I was ill. Just your normal illness, gut rot! I had horrible stomach pains and felt sick all day - I had to meet a client, and luckily the design manager brought us cookies. Seems like sugar was what I needed most, as soon as I ate one, I felt better for hours. But it didn't last. I have been feeling ill on and off all week. The most worrying thing being the complete exhaustion. Today I went to bed at lunchtime – this is the first time I've done this since I was in chemo. So. You can imagine – I am worried. These are symptoms – pain in the gut, exhaustion, bloating [yep, I have that too]. I just want to sleep all the time.
Worry worry. I didn't know my check up date until today as I wasn't concerned – I felt great until this week. Now, I KNOW the date – and may bring it forward.
Why is it that cancer is such a mental disease as well as a physical one? My brain is just like the Peperami ad…full of deranged things racing about…
And here is the FH enjoying Wembley