Christmas done and dusted!

We have an odd tradition in our house. We have Christmas early every year. This is because the girls have chaotic lives and we usually escape to the Gambia. But not this year, sadly. Jen works for the police, so she works Christmas day. Vick has The Granddaughter, who needs to see her dad etc on Christmas day. So we have our own Day, early. It's rather nice, everyone arrives in a big jumble, and the house is instantly a complete chaos of bags, people, toys and noise. I love it. Six year olds seem to Take Over The Universe. Jen simply takes over the fireplace like a little cat. She will not be budged other than to race about the kitchen with Vicky doing dishes or making cups of tea for the masses.

First we have some Granddaughter presents. Granddaughter wakes us all up rather politely. We scramble for breakfast toast and coffee [the coffee is for me]. Everyone goes out in the cold for a walk and I beat the dinner into subservience and lay the table while they're gone. We have mini sparklers!

Then we have the Traditional Dinner; well, OUR traditional dinner. I think if I changed it now everyone would be horrified. An Hors d'œuvre of some description. This year we had won ton, last year, soup. The usual Roast duck stuffed with ginger and things, and roast pork [turkey is a bit naff], Delia style roast spuds, all the vegetables etc etc. I could do with another oven to be honest. Our little kitchen is literally bursting at the seams [and my hair standing on end!] by the time I am finished cooking the meal. Then dessert . Uff.

Then we have more presents [which now include the grown ups] and everyone collapses. This year was a little simpler than usual. I like to go over the top with presents – there's nothing nicer than choosing a gift and then wrapping it up extravagantly, just to see the expression on the face of the person who opens it. But we pared it right down to one gift each this year [apart from Granddaughter]. It didn't seem to make much difference – everyone seemed delighted and we had a lovely day. Well, the toilet broke and attacked Vick, but that's another story! Then everyone trooped off to their normal lives and we collapsed.

I had an exhaustion attack afterwards though – I was trying to remember if it happened last year, but I found I couldn't remember last year. That sucks. But they are few and far between now, so I can't complain. Well, just a little!

Here's Granddaughter with her Gruffalo plate…

in the meantime….

we went to Brighton the weekend before last. Our friends have an amazing apartment there. I didn't really know if we should go or not – we are such a miserable pair of so-and-so's at the moment. A: it was the weekend before my CT scan appointment, and B: I'd just discovered I am to be unemployed as of December 31st, so I wasn't sure where my head would be at [in fact I was so worried about my 'head' that I went to see the GP who gave me some meds 'just in case'. I felt as if something had come loose in my brain]. I am already worrying about finances. I didn't think there was room left in my head for any more worries, but it seems that there is infinite space for that! No room for remembering things, but plenty for  stupid niggles. Annoying.

Anyway, after a small discussion, we went – and we were so glad we did! Jack and Bill gave us a lovely weekend. It was like a mini holiday – they really spoilt us half to death. It was such a relief to be away from the house, such a delight to look out the window over the Lawns directly onto the ocean. We just chilled out the whole weekend; the most energetic thing we did was to have a wander round the Lanes. Sunday was sunny. Monday Aj and I collapsed and Jacket and Bill went off and did stuff. I don't think I've ever spent an entire day doing NOTHING – not that I remember. It was strange, but we patently needed it. We are both exhausted. The waves were 20 feet high. The view was spectacular, even in the pouring rain.

And Bill cooked breakfast every morning for us [my favourite thing!] and Jacket was a wonderful hostess. We came home lovely and chilled out. What would we do without friends that just DO stuff for us? We'd be much poorer.

Here's the Room with a View. Amazing to just stand on the veranda and look at the sea.

Then we got home. Back to reality. Bang. Next thing: the Christmas dinner! And I am STILL waiting to hear about the CT scan…bah.

Meno A Kwena Tented Camp

Look! This is my friend David in Botswana, being interviewed about his camp. The sound is a little faint, so turn up your volume.

See full details of the Meno A Kwena Tented Camp & Safaris here, and here for the Boteti Diaries.

Amazing place! And David has done amazing conservation work there, with his safari guests directly contributing to wildlife conservation and rural community involvement.  Facebook types can join his group here, lots of great photos going on.

We really HAVE to get over there one day.

the 2nd CT scan

Aaaargh!! What  a day! 7.00 – up and at 'em, nerves. 8.00 – a pint of water with some gastrografin in it. 9.46; email from Cinca. Stop eating at 10.45. 10.31, 10.37; email from Cinca. Another pint of gastrografin diluted in water at 12.00. It tastes DISGUSTING. 11.44; email from Cinca. But apparently it makes the bowel appear much clearer on the scan. So, bring it on. Well, in hindsight, it was ok – but while I was drinking it – er, no! Yuck. As well as making the bowel beautifully visible on the scan, it also 'disturbs' it…ugh. Running up and down stairs a lot.

Arrived at the RD&E early, and [shock horror] I went in straight away! This is not normal – I put 3 hours on my parking ticket just in case [£3.00]! But I was in and out within one hour. The chap whom I gave my parking ticket to when I left was delighted.

14:30. Logged in at reception. Told the woman I was starving and it would be excellent if she hurried it up. She obviously took me at my word. Into the little changing booth, off with the clobber – all jewellery has to be removed. Anything metallic is a no no. Everything goes into a shopping basket which you then haul about everywhere. I absolutely HATE taking off my wedding ring.

Into the HIDEOUS hospital gown. WHY would anyone design a gown you have to walk about in public in, so that your ass hangs out the back? Fired. Then another revolting drink of something. Not quite sure what, but the chap in HIS hideous gown next to me raced me to drink it [yes, in hospital everyone goes a bit mad]. I was grizzling and pulling faces. So he decided I should just suck it up. And I did. He went first. I told him to hurry up. He did.

Then in went the catheter at my elbow. I was well chuffed! No searching for veins in my right arm any more. They appear to have recovered. yay! But it still hurt. 'A small scratch'? ha. A 'STAB' is more like it. Bloody nurse sense of humour….Then an explanation of the whole thing – I had a CT scan last year, but as it was an 'emergency' scan last time, no-one explained anything – they just jammed me into the machine, did what needed to be done,  and threw me out the other side. This was much calmer, and it's nice to know what to expect. The catheter is for the last lot of 'stuff' that shows everything up well on the scan.

Whatever it is they inject into the catheter – well. It's weird! It's a contrast material, introduced to the bloodstream during the procedure. But it makes you all hot in strange places, and the funniest is that it makes you feel like you have wet your pants! The first time round, this is awful – the 2nd, not awful but still a tad startling! Slightly chuckalicious, as you know it's coming?

Then – hold your breath. In the machine, out again. Inject the contrast material [feel totally mad]…hold your breath…in and out blah de blah. Then rip out the catheter and off you go. With a great lump of that bloody awful sticky tape they attach the bandage with..I don't like it. It gives me blistery things. I rip THAT off poste haste. And it hurts! grr. But better than all that blood going everywhere. Lots of blood jumps out of my veins after they remove the catheter. It's pretty gross.

Straight to the nearest food! Having been starved all day, plus the contrast material makes the mouth taste dreadful, a spicy pork pie was just the thing. Then home again home again jiggety jig…

Now just to wait for the results. Oh, and find a job…what fun!!

here's the CT scan machine thing…that would be me, except they didn't put a large brown blanket over me. I am rather glad they didn't, as it would have hindered my escape! Never a good thing ;o) Not to mention it makes the person look like a corpse. Not quite up to looking like that quite yet thanks!                                

what a bloody week

I haven't blogged for what feels like ages. Life has been rather 'exciting' yet again. I do so love boring.  When no momentous happenings happen. It's a lot less stressful than 'exciting'. But, hey ho, exciting it has been.

I was informed last week, exactly 30 days before my contract is due to expire, that it is not to be renewed. This is a norm, as a freelancer, one expects the contract to end at some point. And especially now, with money being so tight etc. I am expensive. Budgets are constricted. But it still sucks.

But this contract has been a 'special' if you will. It would have been ten years next April. During that time I have been travelling back and forth to Portugal on a monthly basis. Sometimes every two weeks for a fortnight, sometimes longer spells in between. Sometimes, when we had exhibitions etc that made it necessary, I have stayed there for 3 weeks at a time. I am very lucky to have such an understanding husband, as that amount of time away from home is not your normal lifestyle.

I had to go over the very minute I was able after I finished my chemo last year. With no hair – it was horrible. But I've never minded; and I've never refused to go, knowing it was necessary at the time. We were a small unit, and needs must. Plus everyone was so good to me. I developed a sort of loyalty to the company.

Anyway, the contract has expired. Sad, but not The End of The World. I will miss my friends in Portugal SO much. Last year, during the Cancer Attack, they were especially amazing. Patty and Clara both came over here to see me, cook for me, to check on Aj; just to make sure I was still in one piece. The Portuguese are a very special people – they have old style values…they value friendship very highly. And they really CARE.

This is Patty and Clara – cooking bacalhau on separate occasions in our kitchen. Pat came over almost directly after the surgery and went with me to the oncologists appointment where I discovered, yes, I really WOULD be losing my hair. THAT was a ghastly day.

I had so much support from the girls I know there. Even the ones who don't 'think' they were very supportive. ;o) But they were – in their own way. Unfortunately I didn't have the opportunity to say goodbye to anyone – perhaps that's best, as it would have been very emotional. Better to not say goodbye, but just wait for the next hello. It was a little bit callous to send a 3 line email informing me though. Ten years seems to merit a little more? But perhaps it's me…

"Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends." ~ Richard Bach

In the meantime, I need to find work here in the UK. Hmm – difficult, as I have worked out of the country for so long – no contacts. But I will deal with that as and when.

All week I have been dreading the CT scan – that seems more important than the job right now, as that will let me know IF the cancer has gone, or IF it has come back. Actually, it's a piece of luck that my contract didn't end last year – job hunting with no hair would have been rather challenging to say the least!

So you can well imagine – my stress levels have been sky high…and so have Aj's. We need a holiday!