later on...

Tuesday, 10 February 2009

Well, the mammogram turned out NOT to be one at all! Talk about demented? The actual letter stated I was to go to the Surgical Outpatients Clinic - I only knew it was for the mammogram [or so I thought] because I booked the time on-line. Anyhow, I saw a lovely person called Dr Mary Davies [Associate Specialist], she was a real sweetie, and she did the manual exam. And said everything is fine as far as she can tell from that [phew]. She was very positive and reassuring which is exactly what I need.

BUT today was also for her to evaluate me and decide whether or not I should be allowed a mammogram, or if it would make sense for me to have one. No point doing it if there's no point doing it in other words. If I had ovarian or breast cancer in my family, then of course I would be a valid candidate immediately. But, as I have no sisters, my mother is an only child and can't remember whether she had her hysterectomy because of cancer or not [or what kind it may have been IF it was cancer - although reassuringly, she was left her ovaries, so it wasn’t OC at any rate!].

So we discussed why I want to have this done, and Dr D agreed that it was a sensible manoeuvre on my part, and would probably help me a lot in dealing with all the worries about the OC suddenly appearing as BC - all I need. Not. I do try not to think about that at all. It's quite enough to worry about a recurrence of OC without that too. She discussed the gene test as well, and decided there is no point doing that on me; again, because there’s just me in the family who has had cancer. Thank God.

Actually, it still feels odd to say and think that. I’ve had cancer? Good heavens? Really? It is so surreal. Totally bizarre.

Luckily for me, I am a candidate because I am a 'stand alone' - i.e.: no sisters and a family medical history that's obscure with regard to cancer to say the least. So the mammogram appointment will appear in one of those scary brown envelopes in the post at some point.

Another good thing, she will see me every year from now on until I reach the 5 year mark, in order to help me have a calm mind. She agreed with my idea that this is good for two things - first, to be sure I don't have breast cancer, and second because psychologically, it's very reassuring. And I will have the mammogram annually as well. By that time I'll have passed the '50' year mark and will be entitled to one anyway, so no worries there.

I didn't much like going to the hospital again today - it is starting to feel far too familiar. As I was walking down the corridors, I realised I actually knew where I was going. And that shook me a bit, as it made me think about how much time I've spent to and fro from here in the last year - more than I have ever spent in a hospital in the rest of my entire life up until this time last year. I am sick of having this going on. It sucks.

Well, at least that's one more control mechanism in place. I feel quite pleased with myself actually. But the detailed report on The Horrible Breast Crushing Experience will have to wait until I actually HAVE it!