Tuesday, 31 March 2009

being in a bad mood

Tuesday, 14 March 2009

Eee - this last week has been a Pain in the Proverbial in many ways. But the worst thing has been the belly ache. First it was just my lower left belly [I never understand this – I had the massive cyst removed from the right side, which is where all the chopping and delving went on, so WHY do I have all the pain in the left?? Is this a good thing? Or not?]. Bloody cancer. Hate it. I really hate it. CANCER so completely SUCKS!! [oh and you fools who call it 'the C word' - I would beat you all insensible if I could]. 'The C word'...Jesus wept…I understand it's scary, but honestly, you should NOT say that. At least never in front of anyone who’s had cancer [see, it's not hard to say, is it?? Cancer - two simple syllables]. It’s like saying: "oo you have the 'F' word" to people who has flu. Completely inane.

Cancer really takes over your life for a while. It's a pain in the ass. Every little thing becomes a BIG thing. You become a hypochondriac and that sucks. I have always been really irritated by people who ‘always have something wrong with them’. So. Now I am one of them - aaaargh! I hate it!!

I have never had much time for people who won't work because they have a headache, or they have 'flu', or they are 'tired'...or whatever. Usually they need a kick up the arse, and they've never had anything serious wrong with them in their lives. Thank goodness. But they don’t seem to see that? I would not wish this on anyone, but really - people; get real. Flu is NOT a runny nose...a headache is not a reason to stay home; tiredness is something you can quantify - how tired are you really? A real illness completely debilitates you to the point where actually MOVING is hard. Don’t take the Mickey - it could bite you in the ass.

Anyway, back to the bellyache [which is what I am doing - belly aching]. Uff. On Sunday I did a lot of gardening. Monday I had circuit class - with a million 'explosive lunges'. I hate explosive lunges too. Probably because they are good for me. That's always been a deterrent to me...and explosive lunges are actually quite revolting. Your gut [all of it] seems to hit your rib cage. Over and over. It’s horrible. But apparently it's good for us [those who have had most of our insides removed], so I do them. I do them like I am having a form of torture imposed on me - every one of them, I keep thinking: 'people have been through worse than this, so get it done'. And it's a small thing to do. IF it helps me. And it seems to [this is very grudgingly admitted I might add].

This is another thing I am so sick of [didn’t take long eh? Yes, I am in Moaning Minnie mode today. Stop reading if you don’t like it.] – trying to do things that will 'help me'. For example, the circuit class, BC I wouldn't have considered going to a special class to get fit, now I need to. And I want to, don’t get me wrong. BC I would not have been to the GP for every lump or bump - now I do, he doesn’t seem to mind, which is good. I think. Maybe he needs to give ME a whack round the ear.

BC I certainly wouldn't be gobbling all sorts of supplements every morning to the point where I wonder if I will soon begin to rattle.

Hopefully this will fade as time moves on. Maybe I will have a happy lapse and forget I even had cancer? Amnesia could be handy here?

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