probably a rant?

First – check out the Golf day – tell everyone you know would you? Thanks!

Interesting week – non stop work, and non stop ‘trying to get organised’. I really HAVE to get my act together. The FH has been going mad with me, as he [correctly] assumes that I am just working like a crazy person and not logging my time. SO. This morning I spent 4 hours [yes, I am an imbecile when it comes to Excel] sorting out a time sheet. And I am rather proud of it I must say – it adds up all the hours I work, turns them into the amount I should earn, adds VAT [at a disgraceful 20%!] and totals my earnings. Amazing! I am a bloody genius. Pity it took so  long, but now I am organised, I can log my hours properly every day. Yay me.

In the meantime, one of my dearest friends is going through hell. She has a cyst on her ovary – it’s been causing her agonies since December. First it was a ‘twisted cyst’ [hence the pain]. Then it was a ‘we’re not sure’ type of cyst. Then they did a CT scan. No luck, as they cyst is behind the ovary. So then [exhausting isn’t it??] there were plans to do an MRI. Err – but they didn’t. Why? Who knows? This is Portugal. Then [it gets worse] the plan was to use suction to remove the cyst via the vagina. WHAT?? ‘We can’t see it, we don’t know what it is but let’s just ‘suck it and see’? F**k! Luckily, that plan was mooted. Now the plan is to do a laparoscopy to investigate – if there is anything they see that they don’t like, they will do open surgery and remove the cyst, and/or the ovary. In MARCH!!! 4 months will have passed – I am at my wits end, as I am so worried. My poor friend is completely exhausted and doesn’t know if she is coming or going and is finding it hard to make informed decisions. I can so identify with that. And again, I am SO grateful for the NHS. I wish I could bring her here for treatment!

Roll on the surgery – but please all spare a thought or prayer for her. We are hoping for the best but obviously considering the worst scenario. Personally, I KNOW she cannot have the same BS as I did. That would just be too weird. She is like my sister – so it can’t happen.

On another subject [I think?] – today I saw a post on Facebook, by the Breast Cancer Awareness troupe. They get on my nerves usually, as they are always trying to make everything pink ;) We want everything TEAL! Nah – just kidding – BUT, the post today made me think. Here it is [oh – by the way, they are trying to sell a really gross ring with this text – see above – ugh! Just $16.95…woohoo]:

“When the diagnosis comes, it's easy to focus on what cancer can do...to our bodies, our families, our lives. But here are the things cancer will never be able to do: It cannot cripple love, it cannot shatter hope, it cannot corrode faith, it cannot kill friendship, and it cannot destroy peace. Our pretty band is a promise to yourself to remember where your strength lies.”

I disagree. Utterly. This is fantastical nonsense - ‘it cannot shatter hope’? Oh give me a break! Hope disappears up ones own derrière with a cancer diagnosis. ‘it cannot kill friendship’? Oh yes it can – I speak from personal experience. ‘Friends’ one has known and loved for years can, and do, abandon one in the face of  a cancer diagnosis. Not that I blame them – I don’t. But it’s still a fact. Too much pinkness obviously clouds ones view of reality! ‘it cannot destroy peace’ – oh WHAT!?? That’s too much – one never again has peace – peace of mind, peace in the heart…ffft! That’s a cracker! Whoever wrote this tripe needs to get their butt down to a cancer ward, and ask a few cancery types what they think. Hopefully they’ll come out alive? Anyway – rant over…for now…

In the meantime, back at the shouty ranch, I am getting my brain ready for cycle training. Uff – not looking forward to it and wondering where I’ll fit it in? At least now the days are getting longer it might be reasonable to cycle in the evenings without getting frostbite in the face. Spinning is all very well, but nothing touches cycling on the road – you don’t get a wind factor in the spinning class! We have the Tarka Trail and we have Haldon Hill – gotta be good. I think…

400km UP hills? Oh woe is me…

addicted to speed

Whoa! Get that helmet on. This evening was such fun! The FH took me karting. We were invited by Tileflair – go them!!

This is me, number 28 – about to ZOOOOM round the track!

The first time round I did NOT like it – the little cart has steering that makes you feel like you are roping a wild bull! [yes, sure; I do that all the time right?] and as you can see in the pic, one’s butt is scraping the cement. Hard – we are used to girly type assisted steering and LOTS of control in the Beemer. These little monsters have no assistance, no control and it’s like driving a buffalo. A MAD one…I couldn’t get my head around the fact that no matter HOW tight you take a corner, the kart won’t roll. It may go into a mad tailspin. But definitely won't turn over. So I was too much on the brake. Grr.

After the first practice laps I was totally peeved – I’d really looked forward to it, and suddenly realised it wasn’t as easy  as I’d thought it would be. Me, I am a speed freak – I love to go FAST…I thought the karts would be like rally cars where you steer sort of incrementally…ffft! no way – steering these bad boys is tough! I am currently enjoying aching arms, stomach muscles and a completely buggered knee [it was crashed against the steering column the whole time]. AND I had to have a ‘baby’ seat, as I am such a shortarse that my legs were rubbing against the steering mechanism…anyway, after the third zoom round, I started to get with the program. This is FUN!! Total adrenalin rush to the head…

I think I am addicted to speed…

Here’s the ‘Totally NOT Prada Outfit’…I think those blokes don’t really understand what ‘small’ means? The crotch was round my knees…eheheh. And I need a hair cut!! Helmets do nothing for one’s hairstyle as you can see!

I really loved this – and afterwards, sitting in the pub with the FH, I was thinking…which is usually a bad idea. But I was thinking how nice it is to be able to do things like this. To be strong enough to wrench the wheel around [WRENCH being the operative word!]. To be brave enough to try it. To have someone to do it with. To have so much hair that I had to stuff it up the back of the helmet. To know that the pain in my gut is just the stupid adhesions complaining about unaccustomed hauling and mauling.  To just BE. To have fun.  Ah. Life is good!! Cancer? You can’t stop me you bitch!

Thanks Tileflair for the brilliant evening!!

tired…

…isn’t the word for it. I am completely [and utterly] exhausted. But I  am so happy – I love to have work, and by Gum, I certainly have it! I am working about 18 hours a day right now – and more if I am at the pub in the evening. It’s a bit worrying, as last time I ran like this I ended up with the horrible Bells Palsy. NOT an experience I’d like to repeat. But it IS exciting to be involved in marketing and design again; in fact this work is more interesting than any I’ve done for years. Lots of action – not the same thing over and over. And lots of interesting people too.

So. Yay me. I have FINALLY found freelance design in the UK. Took long enough.

BUT – it’s taking a toll too. I am finding it hard to keep in touch with people. I have been trying to phone Mum all week, and it’s always engaged – and then I forget to call back grr…plus I have my group on Facebook – I am sure they think I’ve died, as I seldom respond to posts any more…see here girls! I am still alive and kicking [well, sort of!]

This week has been a madness – the car needed servicing, the extractor fan needed replacing, the gate is self destructing, the cats were spayed [not so you’d notice mind you!]….yikes! Where is rest in amongst all this eh? Nowhere.

We are going to Spain for a week in March – roll on that week. I can’t WAIT!!

the 4th fundraiser gets underway!

woop! Julie is on the rampage, getting things organised for a fundraiser she is doing for me – this is going to be great! I hardly have to do anything at all, so I did put as much effort as possible into the poster. I am just printing a load out to put up at the RD&E and for Julie to plaster all over the jolly old Golf Clubs [personally, I don’t frequent golf clubs heh heh]

And, quite an excellent turn of events that it’s in March, March being Ovarian Cancer Awareness month in the UK. Info here.

Details of the event can be found HERE. For tickets, or further information, please contact Julie on: julie.knight8 AT btinternet.com or leave a comment on here with your email address [which I will NOT publish] and I’ll email you Julie’s mobile number so you can call her.

Tell all your friends! I am hoping to hit the K5 mark before I leave for Kenya in October, so get out the old clubs and the checked trousers please :)

Thanks!

really good news

These last few weeks have been great. Random thought here; after a call from my Mum, I was thinking about my Dad more than usual, as of course she mentioned him – he is [as always with all my family] never far from my mind. This  quote is so apt for how I feel about him. I am sure he is still looking out for us. For me.

"a word I want to see written on my grave: I am alive like you, and I am standing beside you. Close your eyes and look around, you will see me in front of you ..."

≈ Kahlil Gibran

Sometimes I can close my eyes and imagine him there – just having a smoke with me outside. I miss that. We used to ‘shoot the sh*t’ as the Americans say. Waffle, as we say here in the UK. Or  [and this is odd, as we didn’t do it often] ordering a drink at the bar? The mind is a convoluted thing.

And yes, I know – I haven’t posted for an age. That would be because I have been so busy that it’s doing my head in! So stop complaining. My life is a never ending chaos. But let me stop there and do a sort of précis. Which will be weird.

In December 2009 I was given one weeks notice [by email!] that my ten year contract was not going to be renewed. OK. But no time to find a new job in December as everyone was ‘doing Christmas’. Thanks very much for ‘no notice’! Grr. Uncivil. Plus I’d just had a scan in December showing ‘something’ [which we ALL assumed was a recurrence] blah. Stress. Until the end of Feb. Once the results were in, you’d think I’d have been ok right? WRONG! I was devastated. I felt so betrayed. By everything – and quite a few people too. It took me until March to even bother to pay the bills. Not good – I had a LOT of calls to make! One thousand dramas…didn’t want to leave the house etc etc…

For the rest of 2010 [once I got a grip], we struggled to make ends meet – literally. We cancelled our pensions. We extended our mortgage. Well, the FH did all that, as I was useless. I got to work doing gardening, cleaning, painting and decorating – with the odd bit of graphic work thrown in. Anything at all. Just work – find it, do it, get paid. Lots of this was down to dear friends Judi and Julie.

So last year was filled with running from one place to another – feeling like screaming at times. Most days really.

But I was applying for jobs every morning before zooming off to whatever job I had that day, and networking as much as possible – and trying like hell to avoid having to apply for benefit. Eventually, we got to a place where had to – but before I managed to fill in the forms, we had a piece of amazing luck. The FH’s accountant put me in touch with a marketing company – they looked at my portfolio and here’s the serious précis bit – they have now decided to employ me as one of their freelancers!! I am a graphic designer again! woop! I did my last day at the Salt Mines this morning! I will still go there for work if they need me, as it’s an excellent fitness routine, but the delightful thing IS, that I won’t HAVE to go there. Deep joy!

So that's why the last few weeks have been so great [and so chaotic] – non-stop work from morning until late at night [poor FH – we cross like ships in the night at the moment!], while I’ve still been doing cleaning etc. Things should even out now, as I am doing just the bar and waitressing at the Quay plus the graphic design work – Bring It On!! Lets hope this year is a GOOD year!

Here are the Wild Things just this week:

Poor little sausages are off to the vet to be chipped and spayed on Friday - £150.00!! Thank goodness I have work now….crazy how things work out isn’t it??