really good news

These last few weeks have been great. Random thought here; after a call from my Mum, I was thinking about my Dad more than usual, as of course she mentioned him – he is [as always with all my family] never far from my mind. This  quote is so apt for how I feel about him. I am sure he is still looking out for us. For me.

"a word I want to see written on my grave: I am alive like you, and I am standing beside you. Close your eyes and look around, you will see me in front of you ..."

≈ Kahlil Gibran

Sometimes I can close my eyes and imagine him there – just having a smoke with me outside. I miss that. We used to ‘shoot the sh*t’ as the Americans say. Waffle, as we say here in the UK. Or  [and this is odd, as we didn’t do it often] ordering a drink at the bar? The mind is a convoluted thing.

And yes, I know – I haven’t posted for an age. That would be because I have been so busy that it’s doing my head in! So stop complaining. My life is a never ending chaos. But let me stop there and do a sort of précis. Which will be weird.

In December 2009 I was given one weeks notice [by email!] that my ten year contract was not going to be renewed. OK. But no time to find a new job in December as everyone was ‘doing Christmas’. Thanks very much for ‘no notice’! Grr. Uncivil. Plus I’d just had a scan in December showing ‘something’ [which we ALL assumed was a recurrence] blah. Stress. Until the end of Feb. Once the results were in, you’d think I’d have been ok right? WRONG! I was devastated. I felt so betrayed. By everything – and quite a few people too. It took me until March to even bother to pay the bills. Not good – I had a LOT of calls to make! One thousand dramas…didn’t want to leave the house etc etc…

For the rest of 2010 [once I got a grip], we struggled to make ends meet – literally. We cancelled our pensions. We extended our mortgage. Well, the FH did all that, as I was useless. I got to work doing gardening, cleaning, painting and decorating – with the odd bit of graphic work thrown in. Anything at all. Just work – find it, do it, get paid. Lots of this was down to dear friends Judi and Julie.

So last year was filled with running from one place to another – feeling like screaming at times. Most days really.

But I was applying for jobs every morning before zooming off to whatever job I had that day, and networking as much as possible – and trying like hell to avoid having to apply for benefit. Eventually, we got to a place where had to – but before I managed to fill in the forms, we had a piece of amazing luck. The FH’s accountant put me in touch with a marketing company – they looked at my portfolio and here’s the serious précis bit – they have now decided to employ me as one of their freelancers!! I am a graphic designer again! woop! I did my last day at the Salt Mines this morning! I will still go there for work if they need me, as it’s an excellent fitness routine, but the delightful thing IS, that I won’t HAVE to go there. Deep joy!

So that's why the last few weeks have been so great [and so chaotic] – non-stop work from morning until late at night [poor FH – we cross like ships in the night at the moment!], while I’ve still been doing cleaning etc. Things should even out now, as I am doing just the bar and waitressing at the Quay plus the graphic design work – Bring It On!! Lets hope this year is a GOOD year!

Here are the Wild Things just this week:

Poor little sausages are off to the vet to be chipped and spayed on Friday - £150.00!! Thank goodness I have work now….crazy how things work out isn’t it??

an ordinary day

well this is my usual day at the moment - awake at 6.00 [this is after waking up every hour on the hour during the night - grr, insomnia so SUCKS]. Go back to sleep until 7.00 [yay - lucky me!]. Have my coffee in bed at 7.30 [the FH brings me a coffee every day - even luckier me]. Get up - straight to the pc, toast with Marmite in hand. Onto email - answer, delete and file whatever has arrived since my last login. Get onto MBHOB site - upload some more Feelgoodecobeds products. Send lots of emails about the glitches in the back office...some things don't work yet, but it's a new site and the people running it are amazingly helpful.

Then. Off the chalet bash for a few hours. Usually 5 hours. Or to garden for a few hours. Weather permitting. Then home again to deal with whatever new problem Dr Debt has and to do a bit more work on the ever growing manual. Today's was a Facebook advert - shockingly bad. WE were not amused. Sent a new layout and logo - hopefully we will get a revised version soon. This is what it should look like:

Then off to spinning class - yesterday was fab. The FH came to class! Good fun doing it together. Then home again, bath, dinner, wine - collapse…

Usually amongst all this I'd do the odd blog post, but Windows Live Writer kept conking out EVERY time I tried to add a hyperlink. Grr. Searched Windows help [help? right…]. No luck. Searched google - still nothing sensible. Uninstalled and reinstalled - STILL had the same error [how is that possible?]. Then I came across this blog post. Hoorah!! Usually I hate changing files on my computer - but it WORKED! Woo hoo! Thanks that man!

Right - off to do some gardening after I scan a skull with wings for transformation into a vectored file later…never a dull moment!

health [mine!]

I was thinking today - whilst stripping beds…[as you do!] some of you may be wondering as to the state of my health. As averse to the state of my life. Some of you have asked. Thank you. No, I'm not dead - just a lazy blogger ;)

And especially all you girls in the midst of chemo - all the girls I know OUT of chemo [and they're a lot!]. The people who follow this blog.

Well, I FEEL great. Like Wonder Woman - I'm not, but I feel like that, having survived [touch wood!] ovarian cancer for now. I am running about like a Blue Arsed Fly…fund raising and looking for work. And working! Doing mainly manual labour right now, gardening, cleaning, waiting on. And actually, I love it - it's helped me lose all the steroid weight, and I've met lots of people through it too. Yay - bring on networking!

The reason I feel like Wonder Woman is because I never thought I'd be able to do any of this. I was so weak and frail after chemo that I just felt that was it. I'd be 2 stone overweight and a weed for ever. Well, not so. Hoorah!

Plus I have a couple of graphic design jobs which keep me in touch and up to date with what I consider my 'real' work. Not that cleaning and gardening aren't - it's just that I suppose I am so used to being a graphic designer that it's hard to think of myself as anything else.

Regarding cancery stuff - I can honestly say that at the moment, I don't think about it an awful lot. I still do think about it - no brainer there. Hence this post. But not every second of every day. Mainly if something goes wrong - like today.

I have a horrible cold. It moved to my chest this morning so I was coughing like a grampus all day, which wrenched my stomach. Oops! Scarring doesn't like that and all afternoon I was nauseous. And there was pain on my left side where the adhesions were. Maybe there's still adhesion there - who knows? It's gone now, so who cares? But it's silly things like that that make you think stupid thoughts.

But the cough is going - and so are the thoughts…4 more months till I start going seriously bonkers ;)

a post at last!

I know I haven't really posted for an age [awareness posts don't really count as 'posts' do they?] - and I'm not apologising, because mostly I blog when I am stressed out. It's a brilliant venting place for me. Much to Some People's disgust. But there you go - each to his own eh?

Happily this isn't a 'venting' post at all - I just thought I'd catch everyone up with my little life before someone decided I'd dropped dead! And it's difficult, as SO much has been going on. So, I will try to précis.

First I did the event at the Port Royal [yep - fund raising still!]. Then I did the posters for the Cystic Fibrosis event at the Port Royal too. And we went - it was such fun. Little yellow ducks all over the place! And of course, the usual fab bbq. Oh, and some random swans wondering WHAT was going on?!

Next event was the Boot Sale. Oh ghastly - up at 4.30 and off to freeze our butts off in the queue until 7.15!! Er - what? Anyway, the torture was worth it, as I made £85.00 and Vicky made £60.00. Better than a poke in the eye with a plastic daffodil…

Then I've been having these 'days'…one of them was a particular cracker - first, at about 7.30 in the morning I was asked to quote on [and got] a freelance design job from my friend John. On the same day, Feelgoodecobeds sold a bed and two bedside tables through a friend of mine, Jo - of which I earn a percentage. Then it turned out that my fellow blogger and friend, another Jo won the Port Royal lottery prize!! And [and this was getting a bit mad] I was in the local  paper - the Express and Echo, AGAIN - they seem to be trying to help me [they published my justgiving address etc]. How cool is that?? And, near the end of the day, we sold a duckboard through Amazon!

And last, but certainly not least [on that day], I reached 62% of my fundraising target through my friend Lins -  way to go. It was amazing and exhausting having so many good things happen in one day. Not normal right? But very nice and I had a great day!

In the interim I have been battering away at the chalets and gardens, but doing bits and pieces of graphic design for sundry peeps. All good. Must converse with the accountant before I sink into total chaos…I've missed my spinning class for 4 weeks!! Shriek! The next class is going to be torture.

We had the G'daughter here for a week. There was no WAY I was going to spinning while she was here. Such wasted time.

                      I had events. I had appointments. Of which one was The Face. My synkinesis, the result of Bells Palsy, has always driven me a bit mad.Well, a week ago Thursday I had a visit to the Botulinum clinic. NOT an easy decision after conversations regarding the likely collapse of my face once more, plus the ghastly idea of an injection into my eyeball to cure the Crocodile Tears. But, so far so good - no improvement really, and only a bit of facial drop so far. And not too much pain yet. Maybe next time he can be more accurate.It only lasts 3 months after all.

And I broke my toe on Saturday night  [that made the boot sale SUCH fun…er. NOT!]. My toe has turned black and blue. Hmm…message to self - be MORE CAREFUL!

And my brother Pete is doing a run for me!! All the funds from his run go to my Women v Cancer fund! Yay - thanks Pete!!

So. Life is good. Hard work, lots of friends - hardly thinking about recurrence unless something stupid happens [which it does, but it seems easier to deal with now?]

And tomorrow I am off to visit my BFF's!!  Woohoo!

next fundraiser and looking for work…still!

So now I am sorting out the NEXT fundraiser! Tell you what, this fundraising is exhausting stuff! If I were being paid to do it, I'd be raking it in. I am worried, as I am actually starting to enjoy it. Hmm - madness sets in?

I am seriously considering applying for jobs as an Events Organiser - can't be more difficult than finding a job as a graphic designer!! You'd think 10 years experience would be of interest to SOMEONE. But no…every job I apply for I get no reply. How rude. In Devon it seems it's ok to employ only people who have just left school. Oh, and to not bother to let one know whether you have the job or not. This explains a lot about Devon's advertising and marketing!! Anyway…onward and upward, I still have the cleaning job, the furniture maker thing and some gardening. So, all is not lost. Yet.

Today I went with the FH to the job centre - well, they were about as much use as a third buttock. I have to 'go away and phone in for an appointment ' and their job seeking help is to allow one to use their [odd] computers to access the job web site. Which I do at home anyway! It seems that if I work more than 16 hours a week, I am not eligible for benefits. If I work less than 30 hours a week, I am not eligible for tax credits. So, seems if I just don't bother my ass, I can be on the dole, but as I am trying my best to work, they won't help me. This makes no sense. Grr.

In the meantime back at the ranch, I have another fundraiser on the go, at the Port Royal pub on Exeter Quay. I have discovered that if I want to do a raffle in advance of the event [and I do want to - the 3 night weekend at Fingle Glen Golf club, kindly donated by Andy Bridgeman], I have to have a 'gaming licence'. Uh what? Now I am a gambling type? So we are having a 'discussion', the council and I, to try to sort it out. Very complicated. I just want to raise money for women's cancers - and the licence costs £40.00! uff…but they are being very helpful, so I'll see what tomorrow's phone call brings. I'm hoping for a good result, as the event is SOON! I need to sell a LOT of tickets for that - it's worth at least £300.00, so I need to raise more. Eek. But I do have my Secret Weapon: Graham!

Speaking of results, I am off for the beastly blood tests in the morning. Ugh. Next check up looms. Not in the best of moods this week I dare say. In fact, feeling quite the grouch.

And today was mad - after the pathetic result at the job centre, the FH decided that I need a new dress for my friend Julie's 50th birthday bash. I was NOT in shopping mode - so of course I found the perfect dress!! AND in a size 10 which I haven't fitted into since before my dx. Woop! Credit card is feeling the strain heh heh. But as it's her 50th AND her '5 year survivor of ovarian cancer' bash - well, what can you do? It's a bit special isn't it? Check out the cool frock from All Saints [my favourite shop in the universe]! Will be superb with my R+B leopard skin shoes methinks :o)

Oh and by the way, got the results of my mammogram after a shouting match with the secretary. She didn't QUITE get it that I need to know NOW not in 3 weeks time. But it sank in and she became very helpful - rang me back the same day bless her -  all clear!! Yay!! I should be cheerful right? I AM trying…

wild garlic

http://bit.ly/wild_garlic

well. yesterday was a blast. And I mean that literally - I felt as if I'd been blown up! Not that I know what that feels like [thank you!]. I started the day by nagging the Women V Cancer chap, Calum, about email-able sponsor forms. He sorted that one pretty sharpish I might add. I've turned them into PDF's.

Here is the generic sponsorship form. That's for anyone to download for any of the girls on the Cycle Kenya group 1. Go to FILE/ SAVE AS - then save to your computer.

HERE is MY sponsor form - please - if you would like to, download it, run around all your friends and ask for donations! All cheques need to be made to 'WOMEN V CANCER'  please - NOT to me. I shall simply spend them all on a holiday in Bermuda ;o) Then post it to me please, or I can collect  - I shall then forward to Woman V Cancer.

Then I zoomed up to my [fabulous and wonderful] GP in the pouring rain to get my MEDICAL FORM [why's it all in caps Calum?] signed. This is to say that he thinks I am fit enough to do the Cycle Kenya next year. So, as I am an airhead, I forgot to bring the itinerary, so we had to go onto the blog and see it there [he had to read it before he could sign]. Chuckalicious to say the least. I understand that my GP may think I am bonkers. He asked about rest stops - I assured him we'd have some!

Anyway - next on my wish list of 'Things My GP Should Sort For Me' was the Botox scenario. No, no, no…not for vanity. For sanity. I don't care about my wrinkles - actually I rather like them. Character! Experience! But I have let this slide, being rather rudely interrupted in my plans to deal with the Synkinesis, by cancer. Humph. Synkinesis is a residual of Bells Palsy. It's a confidence knock for sure - one tends to pull stupid, stiff faces in photos in order not to look odd. I have all the symptoms:

Eye closure with volitional contraction of mouth muscles

Midfacial movements with volitional eye closure

Neck tightness (Platysmal contraction) with volitional smiling

Hyperlacrimation (also called Crocodile Tears - ho ho)

A case where eating provokes excessive lacrimation. This has been attributed to neural interaction between the salivary glands and the lacrimal glands.

 

In other words, if I smile or eat, I look weird. So. It's irritating and bothers me a lot. Hello huge complex! Sometimes when I'm tired it looks as if I've had a stroke. But the main problem is not what it looks like, but what it feels like. Very unpleasant. I am hoping the Botox will resolve this. Interviews bring it out vociferously!

After that off I went to dig up a huge border with Julie - we were getting rid of bluebells and wild garlic and weeds - ugh! burning nostrils! Three hours of digging heavy soil; came home for a lovely hot bath. Then the FH called with a job - I rang them, they wanted an interview NOW. So I merrily ripped off my circuit training clobber [any excuse], dried my hair at burning temp and rushed off, portfolio at the ready; the interview seemed to go well. We shall see. They were very nice anyway.

As for today…well, that's another story.

looking back - and forward

My life is great [knocking on wood as I type]. I am so happy, apart from a few niggles large and small, but I am hoping they will resolve themselves eventually. One small niggle being trying to make ends meet around here.

All the bills seem to have gone UP, arrived all at once and are just generally trying to swamp us. Everything is self destructing out of spite. Amazing how inanimate objects can gang together when you're not looking. The fan in the convection oven just started making the most monstrous clonking noise [that's it! BBQ for the rest of the year! I refuse to even hear it again], the back windscreen wiper on the [supposedly indestructible] Beemer has conked out, the service date has passed ages ago and the garden gate is falling apart. Literally. I need to build a new one. Quickly! Before the Fairy Cake in the Garden fundraiser. Or people will be getting whacked on the head by the cross strut.

The front of the house [the charming 300 year old cottage - humph] has decided it would like to take leave of it’s moorings...sigh. The FH has spent the last two weekends doing repairs to the window sills and the render. Rather like putting ones thumb in a dyke, but what else can you do? Hey ho, KBO eh? Here's the offending structure.

Apart from that [and a few other things that don't bear mentioning] I am in the midst of a mad frenzy of fund raising. It's quite fun [in a scary sort of way - 4K?? OMG] - all the Cycle Kenya girls are getting together on Facebook, which is a nice way to get to know people before you meet them. We are all swapping fundraising ideas, and trying to hook up with people near to us for training. Training by oneself quite probably sucks. I really need to get into a spinning class!

Plus of course I am doing the garden - this year is the first time since I was diagnosed that I am actually really able to get going full tilt at it. It's fantastic! I am like 'jumping for joy'!! And it's so satisfying. I was really diagnosed on Wednesday 30th January; inadvertently. But it took a while to get the REAL diagnosis. But personally, I go from the January date.

The combination of gardening and Chalet Whacking is definitely helping my strength and stamina. Talk about things happening for weird reasons. When I worked in Portugal all the time, everything got so neglected. I sat on my butt in front of the computer most of the time, and when I was away, things just grew out of control. Not this year! I have been staking and potting up like a crazy woman - digging? Bring it ON! Next: hanging baskets.

And I'm planning lots of fund raising stuff - it's a tad chaotic, but I am hoping to get there eventually!! Really must make a list of my Forthcoming Events. Keeping things in my head is NOT a good idea! Do you know, someone actually told me recently that there is no such thing as Chemo brain? No, you guessed it, they haven't had chemo. Pah.

 

breathless

I am! What a day. Started off ok, then just spiralled out of control. A new sign for the FH needed sorting post haste - the printer [although excellent in every other way] didn't answer his phone; I think he hates talking. I agree. Phones? Curse you, Alexander Graham Bell! Then I needed to do a quote for a logo design, which was the PLAN for the morning; that never got done, as I was phoning the printer and resizing the sign whilst trying to fix my friends laptop which refuses to access the internet unless it's at my house. Huh??

Then off the Hotel Valance for a few hours of Duvet Cover Rage and a bit of exciting racing about in the Mazarati aka The Golf Cart. I might steal one. I love them. It's sort of like a motorbike with a lid. I miss my motorbike! I had a Yamaha XS 750 Special…so cool!

In the middle of that a chap rang from a design agency to ask me to send a PDF portfolio, as he has my CV and likes it. He is forwarding it to the client. Hoorah!  No problem says I - soon as I get home, I'll send it via email. This discussion took place whilst I was fighting with a double flat sheet with more starch in it than a typical sheet of copy paper.

Raced through the chalets [had luck, as it appears that everyone who stayed was obsessively neat - bless them]. Raced to the bank for the FH [not in the Mazarati - boo]. Zoomed home - straight on the pc making PDF's. Click, new email. Bang...no internet. For SIX HOURS!?? Noooo! Dial 151 for Instant Frustration.

So, off I went to my friends house with her [all fixed! yay!] laptop. Hooked up, and guess what? Doesn't work - well, it worked, but with 3 billion problems. NOT what I spent 4 hours to sort last night! Grr. Left, with instructions to friend to phone the provider. She did, spent 2 hours on the phone to India [thank you Madam, now please do this. Good. Thank you Madam. Now do that. etc. AAAArgh - SO polite!!], and all appears to be resolved. Great stuff.

In the meantime I have a headache thanks. Saga of rubber gloves next!

the first WOMEN V CANCER cycle ride

OMG!! I don't believe it – I am actually going to do this. So, first see the web site here. Then read the rest of this. Which is not as interesting! Well. It is – for me anyway!

I really wanted to do this ride – the FH sent me the link while I was in Portugal, I looked at it, and it just seemed a dream come true. Firstly, raising funds for ovarian cancer research. Research is what saved my life. Bring it on!!

Since I have been watching Simon and Ben, I have been thinking how amazing it is that these men are out there on our behalves – generating funds that could literally save our lives. And as much as we support them [they are amazing! follow them on Twitter Simon - Ben ] it would be good if we could do 'something' for ourselves too. Just to follow their example. Oh, and to pull our fingers out too!

Secondly, it's in AFRICA!! I LOVE Africa, and I miss it so much. Kenya is beautiful – I was there. And I loved it.

So. Funds for research. Africa. Made For Me!! BUT the registration fee was £250.00. I can't afford that right now as I am with no work. After I tried to register, I had to cancel. But they have your details anyway and they emailed me.  Amazingly [really amazingly!] they gave me a special dispensation. I paid it  – so I am IN!! Woop! Next October, I shall be cycling 400km [248 miles] in Kenya…

So – how lucky am I???

time management – or not…

Eish, I can't believe this…well, I can, but I have to at least pretend to be startled by my own lack of comms with the general populace! I keep forgetting to reply to emails, do the ironing [oh happy lapse!] and everything else. My office is like a junk yard – NOT nice. It means my brain is probably also in chaos.

I am now madly trying to get lots of products onto lots of web sites. I suppose I could say I 'don't have time' to answer emails / the phone / the door, but probably I would if I were a bit better organised. I keep replying to things, saving them as drafts and then completely forgetting to complete and send the blessed things. As for the phone, I just slam it down if I don't know the person calling. And I threatened a cold caller at my door the other day with Certain Death if he didn't get his ass off my property. I am a grouch. But he didn't appear to understand "I'm not interested". But it became very clear to him VERY quickly…

I am now officially the Marketing peep for Hacker Design and Feelgood Ecobeds. Shriek! I have never done anything like it in my life, and as I am working on a commission plus expenses [and I am a bit of a cheap tart so that's not much] I need to get my butt in gear. Right. Ok.

On another subject entirely, my brother Pete [who is quite organised], and my sister-in-law Tracey [who is as dotty as they come – rather like me], are running the BUPA 10k in London on 31st May 2010. If you can spare a fiver [or a couple of bucks my darling US friends!] please donate. Pete has run a zillion marathons recently – he is like a one man money machine for charities! Way to go peeps.

Here's Pete with me – wearing the beastly wig during chemo. I love this photo, even though I look like a mad woman. Pete had more hair than me then ;o)

Please donate if you can. They are not 'sports' people – they are just trying hard to help others. Thanks!

waiting in the New Year

I was talking to a good friend last week. An old old friend – and you know what? It was one of the easiest conversations I have had in a while that included the word cancer. NOT the 'Big C' thank you. Fucking cancer. Hate it. She has fibroids that cause her horrendous pain, so we had that "lets laugh about this" conversation. Both of us in hysterics about our situations, but both knowing quite well that it isn't that funny.

Anyway – I am in a strange state. Living life as normal, but not. Not actually being very normal. But…being really normal! I am a genius. I can look normal, whilst all the time feeling completely INSANE. I am having horrible dreams/nightmares. I am struggling to attack the work situation properly because I am 'waiting'.

My FH and my darling grand daughter have left the building so to speak. I miss grand daughter already. Here we are on New Years Day – miraculously sunny! But freezing none the less. Love that coat!!

I am just Waiting. Waiting for the pre-op appointment. Waiting for the laparoscopy, which I am dreading. More scars, more pain. Waiting for the biopsy report. Just WAITING  to get on with my life. Waiting to hear if I have a recurrence. Or not. I just need to KNOW what's going on!

But; slight problem at our hospital – the RD&E has 8 wards closed because of the vomiting bug. They are cancelling all non-urgent surgery and everything is delayed.

So I think the waiting will be rather longer than I expected. The day I came home from the MRI scan, I was feeling awful – I slept all afternoon. The MRI seemed to cause pain in my abdomen? Maybe psychological? And the shot I had to relax the bowels? Maybe has side effects? Who knows. The next day, I was vomiting and had to hold onto the walls to walk, as I felt completely delirious. It was horrible, every time I turned my head, the world tipped over. Ugh. I just drank gallons of water and went back to bed. Seemed to work, as I am fine now.

Well…wait wait. Hopefully I'll have a letter next week with a date for my pre-op. In the meantime I am still looking for work, sending off zillions of CV's and hoping for the best. But I am confused. Too many things to deal with – it makes me unable to deal with anything. That sounds so stupid, but I just don't know where to start some days.

Must make a list I think. That may help.

looking for work

today is the first day of my Christmas holiday, and I was bumbling about the internet looking for jobs, and I came across this on Libby's Hope. I have just emailed Louise at Ovacome to see if we have anything similar here in the UK.

Looking for work is odd – it is both liberating and frightening. Liberating in that I am hoping to find something really creative and challenging, where I will learn new things, meet new people and also be able to share what I know. Frightening in that I don't really want to have to meet a whole lot of new people. Why, I don't know, as I talk to lots of strangers all the time, and none of them have bitten me yet! Probably because people get arrested for biting one another in the UK.

If I go only for freelance work, nobody needs to know I had cancer last year. All my cancery stuff goes here on the blog, and on the thread with all my darling girls on FB. If I look for full time work, it's a different story. I will have to complete one of those forms that I used to tick all the 'NO' boxes on…now I will be ticking the 'YES' box, and no doubt have to write a saga about having had about cancer. Although Dr Bradley said employers are far more concerned about people with bad backs than people who've had cancer. He suggested I offer to be on a trial period, so that [his words] "they can be sure I am not about to drop dead every three days". I love my GP – he does make me laugh.

My confidence is at an all time low. I have 3 million things to do, so of course I have done nothing. I really need to get a grip. Fast.

I am hoping that once I have the scan results, my mind will clear and I will stop wandering about in this 'WTF?' haze. I am sure the BH feels the same – I am probably a total pain in the butt right now.

I think tomorrow I will clean the entire house. Or wash the car. or sleep all day. Or whatever.

This may be of use to all you girls in the US.