Saturday, 15 March 2008

step 06: CT scan results

Wednesday 13th February:
Nervous nights sleep Tuesday night. Off to the appointment to see Mr Renninson to get the results of the CT scan and see where we are. Had to wait until the big meeting of all the specialists had taken place on the Tuesday, so I was lucky to get in on the Monday, or it would have taken another week.

Apparently the ALF is so big that they can’t tell if it has grown onto other things. Not a good thought. It’s pressing against everything [that’s why I am so uncomfortable and constantly running to the loo]. So the plan is to remove the womb, tubes, ovaries etc like a full hysterectomy, but he can only decide what else to remove once he’s opened me up and can see what’s going on. Sitting hearing this little lot was shocking for both of us – I was hearing it from another planet almost. Anyway, he said that he may have to remove my lymph nodes, and maybe some bowel, if the ALF had grown into it. Hmm. More ‘out of body’ hearing effects. Feeling rather like I may topple off the chair. Renninson explained everything very clearly and answered every question patiently. They don’t mind if you ask lots of things, and there is no feeling of ‘hurry up, I’m busy’.

The worst thing [at that point] was when I asked him if he would be making three cuts across my abdomen, as I’d read on the ever-informative internet. He looked a bit surprised, and said no, it would be a vertical cut, from either my breastbone down, or my navel down. Oh yuck! No more bikinis for me then! [your mind does these things – as if bikini wearing is at all relevant!]. Aj asked a few questions of his own, and by looking at his very pale face I could imagine what mine must be like. Then we trundled out. Straight to the pub to digest everything and phone my Mum [poor thing – have a nice day Mum, NOT] and brothers. Then pour some wine down the throat whilst feeling like a bomb just fell on my head.

Managed to remain quite calm all day, but in the evening I had a bit too much wine [a LOT too much], and finally let loose in a howling mess. Andrew had to deal with a sobbing wreck until I finally tottered off to bed. But I felt much better the next day, so must’ve needed to let off the steam I think. Crying doesn’t help much usually, and uses all your energy up, but I think it can be handy every now and then. Wouldn’t want to explode due to all this building up inside now would we? Messy...

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