Tuesday, 18 March 2008

step 18: two weeks later

Tuesday 18th March:
Now I’ve been home for 2 weeks, started back to work on Friday - bearing in mind I am working from home, and don’t have to lift or anything like that, plus I have very understanding colleagues. We got the appointment to see the oncologist in the post yesterday, I'm going on Tuesday. That’ll be interesting. Little brown envelopes are starting to make me a bit nervous!

Apart from that, the scar is still ITCHING! Driving me a bit mad, and I am so tempted to pick at it like we used to as kids when we had scabby knees. Restraining myself though, as visions of it popping open are quite a good deterrent! But it is surprisingly neat, I am impressed with the sewing skills! At least I feel confident about having a shower now, and I can have a bath, as long as I don’t soak in it, or use smelly things in it. Oooo - missing my bath oils.

Had lunch with Mumsy on the weekend, she was a star and really kept it together; I have come to the conclusion that this is all a lot harder for her, my husband and other people than it is for me? I at least can make decisions and decide things, and I know how I am feeling. For others that care about me, I get the impression there is a feeling of not being able to do enough, help enough etc. Quite frustrating for them. Bear that in mind when people seem to be ‘hassling’ you - they’re not, they’re trying to be useful. They NEED to be useful. Mum was very useful! Brought me home made bread and spaghetti cheese - yesss!

I think people need to see that I’m back to normal, not moping about the house worrying. I have all the power to do things, they have none to help me, so it must be difficult and upsetting. But I need everyone to be cheery and positive, so that I don’t waste any energy on crying and worrying if I can help it. I haven’t got enough at the moment to be using it up on something that doesn’t help me much. I still get very tired, and now a new and interesting event keeps happening - I wake up in the middle of the night drenched in perspiration. HOT!! Super. But not too difficult to deal with - jump out of bed and wander about the house until I am cooler, then go back to sleep. Aj is as bad – he is getting very little sleep, which worries me – he looked at too many things on the internet I reckon. Now that I know where I am, I avoid looking up too many things, as it can be a bit nerve racking and doesn’t gain me anything.

Right! Until Tuesday 25th then!

1 comment:

  1. Night perspiration and tiredness in the strangest hours of the day pursuit me for a very long time now!


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