Sunday, 21 August 2011

grumpy and sleepy

I have been wondering these past few weeks if I am depressed. But I don't really know what depression is or how it feels. I am usually a pro-active, energetic and cheerful person – recently I am exhausted. And quite cross. And bored with things. And uninterested. This worries me.

This afternoon was a perfect example. I was working this morning. Lots to do. And I was enjoying it, as it's a lovely client who is open to suggestion. I was grafting away, when suddenly I just needed to rest. To sleep. This is not normal for me – usually I manage with a few hours sleep a night.

But this was overwhelming. I had to go to bed. I hate this! It reminds me of just before I was diagnosed. Even though I know it's not the same. It felt like my body weighed 100 ton. And my mind was a blank. I went to bed and slept for 4 hours! Not normal. I am worried.

The last few weeks I have been feeling strange – upset. The smallest thing makes me feel like crying - or I am just bumbling along, then I just start crying for no reason. This sucks. I need to get away from this and I don't know how. I don't know what to do. Or who to talk to. I hide it as much as possible.

I am in remission. I should be able to enjoy it – usually I do and I am ever so grateful. But the last few weeks, I feel as if 'Something Is Looming'…I feel like I am living on the edge. I am afraid of the Kenya cycle all of a sudden – the other girls seem so much fitter than I. How will I cope? Will I be able to do it? I don't HAVE 5 hours in every day to cycle for training. Or even two. Will I manage? Will the team help me?

Why am I so scared of life all of a sudden?


  1. For all that you have gone through I think it very normal to be feeling overwhelmed and tired. It would actually be a bit odd if none of it fazed you.
    What you are experiencing sounds like it could be a panic/anxiety attack. When a person has gone through a very stressful time in her life adrenals are shooting out cortisol very fast and for an extended period of time. Everyone knows about the old example when our cave women ancestors were able to fight off wild animals. Their adrenals would kick in and make it possible. Back then that high stress lasted only short amounts of time. You have been dealing with high stress for a very long time and likely your adrenals are just exhausted. When your adrenals are exhausted our blood sugar gets out of whack. When that goes on too long we feel tired, irritable, a sense of doom etc. This could be heightened if we are peri-menopausal. Menopause just doesn't always mean that are ovaries are slowing down, there is a lot going on with hormones that are not connected to ovaries. (Thyroid for instance.)
    Anyway, that is just a very basic overview. Speak to your physician. After you see a physician consider seeing a Naturopath. What you are feeling is an easy fix with diet and sometimes supplements. The book by John Gray called Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice has a lot of great information too.
    Keep us posted!

    And here is a hug (((hug)))

  2. thanks babe - I will see all that!!

    and keep posting....

  3. I can totally get what you are going through at the moment. Lately I too have been really emotional at the smallest of things and to make matters worse, I have an under-active thyroid which always makes me feel tired and lethargic. Spoke to the doctor about it but to be truthful, I felt it was a waste of time as they were reluctant to give me anything. As for the cycle ride, you are bound to have some reservations about it. It is quite an adventure. You may not be the fittest as you say, but I am sure you are the one with the most conviction and determination in getting through it. I have every faith in your ability. You take care of yourself.

  4. I can understand what you are going through. Recently I have been very emotional and blow up at the slightest thing. I have an under-active thyroid which makes matters worse as I am constantly battling with weight and tiredness. Visited the doctor but they were reluctant to give me anything. Felt like it was a waste of time. Perhaps you should go and speak to your doctor. As for the cycle ride, I am sure the others must be feeling anxious as well. You may not be the fittest, but I don't know anyone else who has much conviction, determination and dedication in doing these challenges for charity. I have every faith in your ability to do this. You go girl but take good care of yourself.


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