some poetry…

Khalil Gibran, age 15

Khalil Gibran was a Lebanese artist, poet and writer. He was born in the Christian Maronite town of Bsharri in modern-day Lebanon in 1883; at the time, Lebanon was a Syrian Province of the Ottoman Empire. As a young man he emigrated with his family to the United States where he studied art and began his literary career.

Khalil Gibran is the third bestselling poet in history after Shakespeare and Lao Tse. His poetry is beautiful and his words can be searing. While most people know Gibran only as the author of "The Prophet", he wrote seventeen books, nine in Arabic and eight in English.

Khalil Gibran died of liver cancer on April 10, 1931. He was forty-eight years old. The people who attended his burial service said it wasn't a time of mourning, but of celebration.

I came across these two quotes today, and I thought I'd share them with you. I am sure they will have meaning for a lot of us.

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."

and

"a word I want to see written on my grave: I am alive like you, and I am standing beside you. Close your eyes and look around, you will see me in front of you ...."

≈ Kahlil Gibran

a disaster averted…

yay for me. this week I was heading for another of those 'chaos' attacks. You know when you just want to scream, cry, smash stuff, and generally behave like a maniac? well. Maybe you don't. Maybe you do. Whatever.

What happens is this. I wake up one morning feeling odd. My skin is itchy and doesn't fit. My brain is all over the place. My legs jump. I sleep even less than usual [this is bad, as I am an insomniac since chemo anyway]. Over the next few days, odd becomes 'agitated'. Agitated becomes fraught, and fraught becomes extremely stressed. And the worst thing is – I don't know WHY. Plus I am exhausted with it.

I've had four of those attacks [I will call them 'attacks', as that's what it feels like – I am being attacked by my own brain] since the chemo. I have felt dreadful after each one, as every time, I behave badly, and basically abuse [this is hard to admit] my beloved husband. He takes all the grief for everything & anything that is upsetting me. It's not physical abuse – it's verbal – and it's not good. And he just accepts it and deals with it and saves me every time. His feelings must be hurt, but he allows me a huge latitude since I had cancer. He forgives me everything and anything. He is there to hug me better, no matter what I say or do. You can't ask more than that.

But this is not fair, and not right.  And after the last one I decided this is 'enough'. I can't stand it any more. If I am going to batter someone, it definitely should NOT be my husband. He is the best support I have. What is wrong with me? I had to find a way to deal with this. And, yay, I have. [no, I didn't go and murder my neighbours...although I would probably be forgiven if I did!].

Well. Nothing is wrong with me at any rate. Apparently this is a 'norm' for cancer patients [gosh, we learn something every day eh? It's called 'cancer brain' – FFS!! isn't chemo brain quite enough?!]. And I get out of control. I get so frightened I can't think. I don't even know what is frightening me. I have no idea why I have these stupid 'moments' [isn't that cute? I'm having a 'moment', get away or I might kill you type thing – hmm…'moment' is probably a misnomer].

But, I just managed to hang on this time. Through sheer force of will I sat and watched a film [it was crap]. I drank lots of water. I went to bed early. I didn't get into the wine at all – I read my book [which is also crap by the way]. And I woke up this morning feeling great. The thing is, I am not sure why. Is it because I managed to control the 'attack' or is it because I didn't HAVE an attack?

Does it matter? No. What matters is that I know because I managed to control myself this time, there won't be a next time. Which means I am in control of one more thing. Which means I am one step closer to normality.

What IS normality after having had cancer?? Who knows. But it certainly isn't the norm I was used to before I had it. It's different. And it's new. I hate change so for me this is hard. But at least now I know I can cope with myself. A good start right?

thank you Ovations…from the bottom of my feet!

wow!! A while ago I came across the Ovations for the Cure site, which has a blog and a ton of information for women having to deal with ovarian cancer. The girls who run it are constantly busy doing stuff to raise both awareness and funds. And they are so friendly!

Find them on Facebook here. And there's a link to their site on my  list down the right hand [see: ''blogs I follow'' & ''Places to find info and advice''].

Anyway, in addition to all the other stuff they do, they have the Happy Feet program – and today I got my very own pair of happy feet! Which I am now wearing. These slip-ons, jewelled with Swarovski crystals are for women having chemo and are also free to survivors as a way of helping their road to recovery be more comfortable. And they DO make you feel rather special. Yay me for surviving!

They are designed by Stuart Weitzman, see below. Sorry about the actual feet inside them ;o)

And in the same package there is a bracelet which fits my ankle rather well, and a beautiful little badge and an awareness car sticker, both of which you can buy here. It's like Christmas today!

Look – even underneath they are cute! Dogs!

 

Gorgeous!! Thanks so much girls, I love them to bits!

"You can sponsor a pair of happy feet today too. Ovations asks for your donations to sponsor Happy Feet recipients, as requests are coming in every day. Happy Feet is a self-funded program, so we appreciate your support. Sponsor a pair of Stuart Weitzman designer ‘Happy Feet’ for $100, which will gift an ovarian cancer patient undergoing treatment. All sponsors will receive a special acknowledgement on the Ovations for the Cure website. Help us put some sparkle in the steps of these women—sponsor Happy Feet today!"

spreading the word…

this is cool! I have been rather honoured with being the Guest Post this week on Dennis's blog, 'Being Cancer'. 

As a matter of interest, his August Book Club Selection; "The Light Within", concerns a woman with ovarian cancer and her female physician. 

He has also added a number of bloggers to the ovarian section [scroll down to it]. I found lots of my friends there :o)

Dennis' blog is quite a mine of information – not just for women with ovarian cancer; as far as I can tell, there's something about just about every type of cancer on there. He has a blog roll, 'Cancer Blog Links', which contains hundreds of blog links grouped by disease type. So you can hook up with other people that are going through the same thing as you are, perhaps getting advice and support from survivors or caregivers.

This is just a quick thanks Dennis. Your site is excellent, your own story is so encouraging  – and anywhere I can raise awareness of ovarian cancer, I am only too happy to be there! I rather wish I hadn't cursed in the middle of the post though…;o)

interesting article

thanks Mary. see here for a video.

Flawed gene link to ovary cancer

Scientists have identified a genetic flaw which can increase the risk of ovarian cancer.

Over 4,000 UK women die from ovarian cancer each year. The international team of researchers, led by UK scientists, looked at the DNA of 17,000 women for their study.

In Nature Genetics, they said carrying two copies of the flaw increased the chance of cancer by 40% - around 15% of UK women have both copies.

Cancer experts said it was an important discovery which could help manage women who were at increased risk.

"There is now a genuine hope that as we find more genetic variants, we can start to identify the women at greatest risk"

Dr Simon Gayther, researcher

OVARIAN CANCER

It is the fifth most common cancer in UK women, affecting 6,800 women per year. Five out of every 100 cancers diagnosed in women are ovarian. A family history of the cancer, breast cancer and being infertile or having fertility treatment, are all known to increase risk.

Ovarian cancer is the fifth most common cancer in women in the UK with around 6,800 new cases diagnosed each year in the UK. This leads to around 4,300 deaths each year.

The BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes, which cause breast cancer are already known to significantly increase the risk of ovarian cancer - but faults in these genes are rare and probably cause fewer than 5% of cases so scientists have been looking for other genetic faults which could help explain inherited risk.

The researchers, led by scientists based at the Cancer Research UK Genetic Epidemiology Unit at the University of Cambridge and University College London (UCL), searched through the genomes of 1,810 women with ovarian cancer and 2,535 women without the disease from across the UK.

They analysed 2.5m variations in the genetic code and found genetic "letters" - called single nucleotide polymorphisms (SNPs) - which when spelt slightly differently increase ovarian cancer risk in some women. It is the first time scientists have found a SNP linked uniquely to risk of ovarian cancer.

Everyone has 23 pairs of chromosomes, with one of each pair inherited from each parent. This SNP is located on chromosome nine.

The risk of developing ovarian cancer for women carrying the variation on both chromosomes is 14 in 1,000, compared with 10 in 1,000 for those who do not. Carrying one flawed variant increases the risk to 12 in 1,000.

Scientists confirmed their finding after working with the international Ovarian Cancer Association Consortium and examining more than 7,000 more women with ovarian cancer and 10,000 women without disease.

Dr Simon Gayther from UCL, who worked on the study, said: "There is now a genuine hope that as we find more genetic variants, we can start to identify the women at greatest risk and this could help doctors to diagnose the disease earlier when treatment has a better chance of being successful."

Dr Andrew Berchuck, head of the international Ovarian Cancer Association Consortium steering committee, said: "This study confirms that ovarian cancer risk is partly determined by genetic variants present in a large number of women.

"This initial discovery and others that will likely follow in the future lay the groundwork for individualised early detection and prevention approaches to reduce deaths from ovarian cancer."

Dr Lesley Walker, director of cancer information at Cancer Research UK, added: "This is an important discovery.

"This research paves the way for scientists to discover even more genes linked to ovarian cancer and could lead to new approaches to treat or prevent the disease. Crucially it will help doctors manage women who are at increased risk."