Tuesday, 27 May 2008

aaargh – my beastly joints!

Tuesday 27th May

Oof – since last Tuesday’s chemo I have had joint pain more or less constantly. And here I was hoping it’d forgotten to arrive. Keyboard is fun when you’re using hands that feel like they’re joined to broken wrists! I need to ask Dr Hong about this when I see her next time, although the other girls I talk to have had the same thing. It’s quite debilitating. Hands and knees in particular. Last time it wore off after a few days, but this time it seems it’s here for the duration – I hobble down the stairs like an 80 year old and long for a proper house where everything is on ONE level. Perhaps I’ll pitch a tent in the garden...although with our weather at the moment I’d be better off with a narrow boat.

It has abated day by day, but won’t go away completely. Pain killers don’t seem to touch it, and a disturbing thing is that the site of the surgery is painful as well. Weird. Eating Paracetamol to see if that helps, although I am really loath to put even more rubbish in my system, which is already overloaded with poisonous substances – I do chuckle when I see adverts for Organic food...as for the back of my hand – it still feels like someone whacked it with a brick.

But this morning the taste in my mouth is almost normal and I feel more cheerful. It’s frustrating to feel constantly annoyed at everything and not quite know why. I suppose I can blame the chemo – might as well - I refuse be responsible! In fact it would be rather nice not to have ANY responsibilities whatsoever for the next few months.

It’s amazing how many things supposedly need to be done immediately; ‘sign this and send it back NOW or get fined’ [immediately forgotten and consigned to a pile], and ‘stop the payment on that’ [also forgotten in an instant], ‘post this to so-and-so’ [oops...when was that eh?], remember to do this, that or the other...a never ending litany of tiresome things that I could really do without.

When you’re tired out it seems the tasks never end; pre-chemo I would pile in, get everything done pronto, then sit back and admire how industrious I’d been. But at the moment, all industry is painstaking and everything takes twice as long. And once I reach the end, I’m right back at the beginning again. And that’s usually after stopping in the middle for a break. The only things that I see definitive progress with are work and the garden [which is now a swamp, so no luck there this weekend!]. But cleaning and shopping and run of the mill stuff just keep on going on and on...bah. It’s like water torture...Bring on a battalion of servants and a secretary please. Oh imagine! I could just sleep for a week...

But one useful thing about having housework etc. is that it helps me to get the better of the beastly joint pains to an extent – I now save the bed making and other things for when my joints get really painful, then I go and do something, and the physical activity relieves it for a while. So really everything is useful in the end! And it is quite satisfying to achieve things other than on the pc. Starting work at the crack of dawn by this point, as it’s when I feel most energetic. Today, three more sessions of chemo seems a lot!

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