Saturday, 3 May 2008

After chemo session II. Very frustrated and grumpy

Saturday 3rd May

This weeks side effects so far: until yesterday, slight nausea until I managed to quickly get a tablet down in the morning, no worries there.

Then yesterday I decided I needed to do some things, and I couldn’t. SO frustrating – especially at this time of the year. The garden needs doing, the house needs cleaning, washing needs doing, trees need trimming & plants need potting – and all the normal jobs that we’d plan and do together are now becoming a mammoth list that Aj will have to manage virtually on his own – and with only one day off a week, that’s a pretty tall order. I am getting quite exasperated with being so useless. Plus if one more person tells me “ it doesn’t matter” I shall scream. Of course it matters. It’s the normal bit of my life.

Today I have painful joints [if this was an advert there’d be a ‘NEW’ sign on it – ‘NEW and IMPROVED’ side effects – just so you don’t get bored with the ‘OLD and Already-Dealt-With-Side-Effects’] – legs which feel as if they may collapse any minute and my right hand/arm is filled with stabbing pains. NOT good, as I need that one to work with. And like last time, the site of the surgery has stabbing pains too – very odd. And pretty unpleasant. Thirsty as anything, and eventually had to give it up and go back to bed for an hour. Tired, tired, tired. Grr. And CROSS.

Apparently this is to do with your haemoglobin. If the level in your blood is low you get very tired and it may not go away even if you sleep. True – but they should say ‘IF you can sleep’ – the chemo appears to give me insomnia! Plus the hot flushes wake me up as well. And no joy when I asked Dr Hong about those – she said take Evening Primrose Oil. Ok – trying that, but if it doesn’t help, I shall be squawking for something a little more serious.

This type of tiredness can be called chronic [long lasting] fatigue, and it really affects me mentally, physically and emotionally. Sometimes having a bath or answering the phone feels a bit too much like hard work. It’s very disruptive and it’s quite upsetting as it makes me resentful. Not a pretty thing.

The number of red blood cells is usually at its lowest from 7 to 14 days after your have your chemo. I feel like mine are there already only 4 days in. As the level of red blood cells starts to go up you get a bit of energy back. Hoorah – my problem is that when I am tired I am like a 3 year old – totally unreasonable and pretty grumpy. So, then once you feel ok for a few days, it's time for your next treatment and so on and so forth, ad nauseum until the chemo is over. Roll on that day!! Bad to wish your life away, but really, this is tedious. I am like a grizzling brat, and I hate it.

I think the worst thing is that there’s nothing you can do about it – if you could sleep and it went away, no problem. I’d be sleeping. But it doesn’t work like that. It eventually goes away on it’s own, then I have to speedily make the most of feeling lively. Which I do – but there’s not enough time to do stuff, and the surgery still stops me from hauling things about. So, not much gardening getting done! [this is also because I refuse to let Aj step foot in the flowerbeds heh heh].

Another thing is my hair still falls out everywhere – the sooner it departs once and for all, the better. I never knew so much hair grew on a persons head!

Oh well, enough moaning for one day – probably tomorrow will feel better.

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