Wednesday, 18 June 2008

the beastly cold...

Wednesday 17th June

Today I am SO RELIEVED [that’s a massive understatement if ever there was one] – my cold appears to be getting better pretty quickly. No ambulance trip or visit to the ward this time thank goodness. My mind absolutely boggles when something like this happens, as there are so many warnings about ‘getting’ things and temperatures and fevers – it makes one a tad paranoid to say the least. Any new and interesting thing that happens is either cause for a major mental crisis or a celebration. Colds are not in the celebrating department. Still taking Paracetamol every few hours, and some other horrible concoction that is supposed to clear my head but tastes so foul I think it could give me throat injuries. Oh. That’d be nice though - a clear head.

It doesn’t help that it’s awful weather as usual in Exeter; it’s overcast and my feet are cold. We get all the cloud off the Moor, which then sits on top of our house like a great big sponge. Full of water, but not doing anything useful. Plus this evening we have some sort of wind that wants to be a gale...I am convinced we have more rain here than anywhere else in Devon. Maybe in the world....If it doesn’t get a bit warmer and sunnier soon I shall be able to have a rice paddy in my back garden. At least I will be able to wear an interesting hat whilst plying my sickle and beating my water buffalo...

Good news [for me anyway!!]. At last it seems as if the Sensible Eating Plan might be working! Or our scales are broken? After 3 weeks [admittedly not a perfect 3 weeks] of Sensible Eating [crisps, crisps!! gimme crisps], I have lost ONE pound! That’s about 1/2 a kilo in the civilised part of the world where we have the metric system. I’ve decided it would be nice to have a set of scales that informs you even if you have lost even a gram. In a very loud voice. I wonder if I invent this if there would be a market for it? Women everywhere queuing at 5.00 in the morning to buy the Shouting Scales...This morning I was almost beside myself I was so pleased – hmm, small things eh??

The joint pains have been quite weird this time [such variety – oh, be still my beating heart] mostly in my feet of all places. And the scar – that’s too strange! How can that still be hurting? Feels like someone took a stick to the bottom of my feet and a knitting needle to my scar. I am sort of between a hobble and a hop, plus grabbing my tummy every now and then – nice picture right?

But it’s not too bad, and I am actually starting to think about getting to the end of the chemo now. I’ve been too scared to think about it before – sort of like it might put the kibosh on it if I think everything will go to plan. I am so worried about a delay.

I am now getting bad pains in my stomach, and random attacks of nausea every now and then, which is also new, as usually they stop after about day 4 post chemo. And of course the fatigue is getting pretty monstrous now – roll on August when I am ‘post chemo’ totally. I am absolutely cheesed off with the sudden attacks of tiredness – one minute I’m fine, two seconds later I can barely move. I wouldn’t mind so much if sleeping made it go away. But it doesn’t at all. My Emmers told me an interesting story about this, [she has been through this twice!? eek]. To quote; "I remember when I was having my first course of chemo the nurses told me they had had someone from America come over with a simulator that could give them the body sensation of how weak and exhausted chemo makes you feel - they had to strap weights onto their arms and legs and then be this woman who was having chemo. She had to come downstairs and make herself a drink, then answer the front door to the milkman, and then go and get a cheque from the kitchen table and give it to him. That was it, and they said that by the time they'd done that and had then the weights removed from their arms and legs they could barely move. I was like, yep that's why I sometimes can't get myself into the shower before 4pm, if at all!! Anyway, that level of exhaustion does wear off quite quickly once the chemo has finished, although obviously you won't be going on any 25 mile hikes a few weeks later or anything!"

Interesting. And encouraging to think that at last it will go away! And I know what she means about even having a shower – it’s a sort of bungy jumping thought, as in: Can I do this? Should I do this? Just a shower...a bath is even more of a challenge, as one has to get up the energy to get OUT. Hmm – a few times I have turned into a prune, being too exhausted to get out and get dry. Then you have to get on and so forth...bwaaa! Things that usually you don’t even think about.

Anyway, the cold is being beaten, so I must still have some immune system to speak of! By the way, I know this is all becoming rather a bore, going on and on the way it is – no one knows that better than me. And still all my friends are so supportive, as if it happened just yesterday – again, thanks all of you – you are keeping me going!

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