Monday, 5 January 2009

back to normal?

Sunday 4th January

So, I did feel better the next day! :o) Onward and upward...

Well, Christmas is now behind us once again – not the best one I’ve ever had, with Aj being so ill, but still a nice break [and a nice duck!]. But we are really going to have to try and arrange a ‘proper’ holiday at some point – away from the house, the cold and the bills! This is the worst thing about us both being self employed – every time we take a break, it costs to get someone to run the shop, and I worry now about needing to keep my holiday days in case I need them for some idiot reason. No paid sick leave, no easy ride. BUT saying that, we had a break, so we can’t complain. Some people didn’t stop work at all.

We were talking about the madness of the UK with regard to holidays – suddenly it isn’t the ‘Christmas Season’ anymore – it’s the ‘Holiday Season’. What? hmm...interesting...Anyway, best not go down that road! And of course now that Christmas is over, it’s SALES, and DIET and get FIT. Then it’ll be Easter – eat tons of chocolate, then diet and get fit again...oops, then it’ll be Christmas a manic merry go round of hard selling of just about anything. Bah. Oh, and humbug. Why not?

But of course I am being sucked in this year – I shall be there tomorrow, jumping about in the exercise class at Tedburn, and down to the slimming class on Tuesday if I am not hauled away with a cardiac arrest from Julies class. The difference being, I am not doing it because I ate to much stuffing over Crimbo – I am doing it to try to regain my self esteem. Which hit an all time low last year [so strange that it’s already ‘last year’!]. But it’s slowly and steadily creeping up again. Five months out of chemo, so better get sorted I think!

I am starting to realise that yes, actually I should be pleased with myself. We had a right SOB of a year, but we’re still here, and still together and on the up. And I am getting a little more normality every day. I have gained a fabulous network of AC girlfriends in addition to my family and friends. I have managed to cope most of the time, and remain positive. A hard one, but I’ve done it. Amazing, as if anyone had asked me before I got cancer, how I would cope, I would have said I would NOT have. Well, well, we learn something about ourselves every day – it’s great to learn I am stronger than I thought.

Tomorrow I am off for my blood tests in preparation for my 2nd 3 monthly check up next week – my state of mind is odd, as I am not nervous, but I am agitated. I can’t seem to concentrate well, and everything seems a bit irritating. I don’t feel like talking to anyone, yet I feel like babbling away like a maniac sometimes. Claire’s right – we need to find a way of coping with the run up to the check up, that doesn’t involve violence upon our fellow men ;o)

I have lots to ask Dr Hong – why do I have those pains in my tummy, why are my joints so agonising in the morning, why are my eyebrows falling out again – oh, and what about the ligatures [cheers Stace heh heh]. And a few other things of course. Will the questions ever end? Can I know enough or do I know too much? Some of the AC girls don’t know much – I am not sure if I could cope with that. Anyway, eight days to go. Which I shall try to fill up with work and my new good intentions...

No comments:

Post a Comment

If you would like to comment on anything in this blog, or share your own thoughts, feel free, I would love to hear from you.