Friday 30th January
I am becoming lazy with the blog. It’s ten days since I wrote anything. This is not good. I need to record what’s going on with me as a Survivor, just as I did while I had cancer and went through chemo. So. Here I am.
What’s been happening? I had a birthday - obviously....that was nice. But Mum was ill so they couldn't come down. And I was ill, and worrying a lot. BC I would'nt have, but AC, I do. I had a stomach bug since the day before my birthday. It was odd, as I had a constant stomach upset until Friday, but no pain or anything. Anyway, we went out on my birthday for a late lunch / early dinner at the Coombe Cellars. It’s a great pub - situated on the estuary, so the views over the water are really lovely. Very calming. The children play along the waters edge, there are dogs running in and out, birds feeding. It’s a very nice place to go. And the food is good!
We met a friend there whom we haven’t seen in a while, with his girlfriend whom we’d never met. It was great to meet her - she is an oncologists nurse! Unreal - we had a strange [and I enjoyed it a lot!] chat, as she was wondering how we [the patients] see the nurses. If we get angry with them, or dislike them. And I had to be honest - at the first chemo I really didn't like my nurse - he 'seemed' clueless. But, he was training [and I was scared], and at the 2nd chemo and thereafter, he was great. So I told her that, and that to my mind, new chemo patients just need to be dealt with by old hands. Just the first time - so that you feel confident. It was nice that she was interested in how we, the patients, feel about the nurses. I was pretty impressed with her. I am sure her patients will benefit from the fact that she is genuinely interested in how they feel.
What else? Ah! Nat she’s famous!! What a brave girl - she is the first woman in her country to have the ovarian cancer vaccine. And this week she was on TV!! Fame at last - she was amazing in the interview, so confident, and eloquent [see above]. I wish they had shown more of the actual half hour interview. But news is short, so they didn’t. Pity. But even so, seeing her live was great, and the publicity benefits us all. Now we all pray that this works for Nat - she is so brave. It will.
But I digress - the stomach bug. Grr. It’s so irritating that AC every little thing makes you a paranoid maniac [or so it seems]. BC if I had anything like that I would have just waited it out, not thought twice, and got better. I’ve always had a stomach of steel - nothing ever really got me. Even tap water in Italy!
Now, AC, I was in such a state [and trying not to be, but failing dismally], as I was imagining that the cancer that was initially on my bowel had decided to come back [I imagine that quite a lot actually]. That is so crap!! All week I was checking my stomach to see if there was any strange bump or lump. And of course, because I was looking for it, there it was - it seemed I had a painful bump on the left of my belly. So, no sleep. Rude and grouchy behaviour. Deranged imaginings and furious tantrums when I was alone. I know you are reading this Andrew - I know you are there for me 200%, but I am so sick and tired of telling you horrible things. Horrible thoughts. I would just like to tell you I am ok all the time. But some days, I can't. Some days I just feel like I am going mad and you know those days. Friday morning was one of them when I woke up and instantly went into stressed out mode. Because I was worried about my bowels and cancer, I freaked about the bills! Oh well, I suppose misdirection can be a good thing? :o)
Anyway...I have gone past the bug - everything seems back to normal today apart from a hard swollen belly, but it seems that’s a norm I will have to get used to - if you eat a little too much, or stand for too long, that happens. Bah - how bloody irritating.
What else? Oh, cheery [and unsubstantiated] articles in the news that milk gives you OC...eh?? I hate milk and have never drunk it. I have totally skimmed in my coffee [I am sure there-s about 0.01% milk in it, if that]. More 'news' - obese women are more at risk. Oh, doh! Probably because they wouldn’t notice a little lump in the abdomen. I wouldn't say that that makes obesity the problem - just the fact that obesity hides the symptoms.
Also, I am pretty distracted by the online chat we have on FB. It’s such fun! We seem to talk about the oddest things - normal things like how revolting MacDonald's is [or how fab, depending on your outlook]. And one very odd topic was about Vaginal Dilator’s...thanks Tracey!! What a topic....
I am becoming lazy with the blog. It’s ten days since I wrote anything. This is not good. I need to record what’s going on with me as a Survivor, just as I did while I had cancer and went through chemo. So. Here I am.
What’s been happening? I had a birthday - obviously....that was nice. But Mum was ill so they couldn't come down. And I was ill, and worrying a lot. BC I would'nt have, but AC, I do. I had a stomach bug since the day before my birthday. It was odd, as I had a constant stomach upset until Friday, but no pain or anything. Anyway, we went out on my birthday for a late lunch / early dinner at the Coombe Cellars. It’s a great pub - situated on the estuary, so the views over the water are really lovely. Very calming. The children play along the waters edge, there are dogs running in and out, birds feeding. It’s a very nice place to go. And the food is good!
We met a friend there whom we haven’t seen in a while, with his girlfriend whom we’d never met. It was great to meet her - she is an oncologists nurse! Unreal - we had a strange [and I enjoyed it a lot!] chat, as she was wondering how we [the patients] see the nurses. If we get angry with them, or dislike them. And I had to be honest - at the first chemo I really didn't like my nurse - he 'seemed' clueless. But, he was training [and I was scared], and at the 2nd chemo and thereafter, he was great. So I told her that, and that to my mind, new chemo patients just need to be dealt with by old hands. Just the first time - so that you feel confident. It was nice that she was interested in how we, the patients, feel about the nurses. I was pretty impressed with her. I am sure her patients will benefit from the fact that she is genuinely interested in how they feel.
What else? Ah! Nat she’s famous!! What a brave girl - she is the first woman in her country to have the ovarian cancer vaccine. And this week she was on TV!! Fame at last - she was amazing in the interview, so confident, and eloquent [see above]. I wish they had shown more of the actual half hour interview. But news is short, so they didn’t. Pity. But even so, seeing her live was great, and the publicity benefits us all. Now we all pray that this works for Nat - she is so brave. It will.
But I digress - the stomach bug. Grr. It’s so irritating that AC every little thing makes you a paranoid maniac [or so it seems]. BC if I had anything like that I would have just waited it out, not thought twice, and got better. I’ve always had a stomach of steel - nothing ever really got me. Even tap water in Italy!
Now, AC, I was in such a state [and trying not to be, but failing dismally], as I was imagining that the cancer that was initially on my bowel had decided to come back [I imagine that quite a lot actually]. That is so crap!! All week I was checking my stomach to see if there was any strange bump or lump. And of course, because I was looking for it, there it was - it seemed I had a painful bump on the left of my belly. So, no sleep. Rude and grouchy behaviour. Deranged imaginings and furious tantrums when I was alone. I know you are reading this Andrew - I know you are there for me 200%, but I am so sick and tired of telling you horrible things. Horrible thoughts. I would just like to tell you I am ok all the time. But some days, I can't. Some days I just feel like I am going mad and you know those days. Friday morning was one of them when I woke up and instantly went into stressed out mode. Because I was worried about my bowels and cancer, I freaked about the bills! Oh well, I suppose misdirection can be a good thing? :o)
Anyway...I have gone past the bug - everything seems back to normal today apart from a hard swollen belly, but it seems that’s a norm I will have to get used to - if you eat a little too much, or stand for too long, that happens. Bah - how bloody irritating.
What else? Oh, cheery [and unsubstantiated] articles in the news that milk gives you OC...eh?? I hate milk and have never drunk it. I have totally skimmed in my coffee [I am sure there-s about 0.01% milk in it, if that]. More 'news' - obese women are more at risk. Oh, doh! Probably because they wouldn’t notice a little lump in the abdomen. I wouldn't say that that makes obesity the problem - just the fact that obesity hides the symptoms.
Also, I am pretty distracted by the online chat we have on FB. It’s such fun! We seem to talk about the oddest things - normal things like how revolting MacDonald's is [or how fab, depending on your outlook]. And one very odd topic was about Vaginal Dilator’s...thanks Tracey!! What a topic....
Now we have snow. Today I had a free reflexology session at Force [excellent!]. And we have a great log fire to keep us warm. And we are alive! What a good week it has become.
I'm with you 100%!! I find myself getting a little complacent now that the worst is over...especially now that life is getting abck to normal. My blogs are not so frequent, yet my fears are still there. I don't ever want to get to the point where I stop writing, I want to write when things are good, bad, or indifferent. It's important, it's important to the many women who are on the same journey.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that we have our wonderful hubby's who love and support us unconditionally. I too am tired of hearing the worry in my voice or seeing it in my eyes. Cancer bestowed a lot upon us, it's not an easy road to travel...but little by little we'll get there...
xoxo