Tuesday, 20 October 2009

check up time again…

why are we so nervous nearing the check up? we/I should be jumping for joy. It's just a confirmation that we are well. Right? No. It's a test to see if the cancer has come back.

The last few weeks I have been worrying a lot. When I initially asked Dr Hong HOW I would know if I had a recurrence, she said that I would probably have the same symptoms as I had in the first place. And that it would probably recur on my stomach IF it were to recur. Oh joy. They were hardly 'in your face' symptoms were they? A swollen tummy, a lump in my groin, extreme tiredness. Well, I have the extreme tiredness again, that's for sure. And it worries me. Plus, apart from being exhausted, I have a lot of strange pains in my stomach – these are apparently 'normal'. After massive surgery like I had, you get pains. Adhesions etc.

Whilst in Portugal I rang the oncologists secretary in tears – she said better to wait until your appointment. So, I will.

But normal?? What is that?? Tomorrow I have to phone and book myself in for my bloods. I should have done it today. But as usual, I leave the important things to last.

To my detriment.


  1. (((Sandhy)))

    Big hugs from across the pond. I wish I could do more to ease your stress - like issue you a clean bill of health!! :)

    Hang in there - one day at a time!

  2. Boy oh Boy do I hate check ups too. Your mind plays a lot of tricks. Be kind to yourself- you are doing great.

  3. thanks sweetie - I don't know why I am spazzing out so soon - the check up is only on the 17th! I think it's because it's my '1 year' one...and my friend has hers today.

    Maybe after this next one I will be a bit calmer and stop letting it run around my head like a wild thing! :o)

  4. I do believe that one day, I will no longer live my life in increments of 3-4months...it's unsettling, but I'm glad we have each other to lean on:) xoxo

  5. At first when I was reading I thought the doctor's name was Doctor Hong How.

    Then I realized you were asking how.

    I am going tomorrow for the checkup. You know my French doctor? LePew? I still don't know any French.

    I still try not to worry. I think it's because if I worried, I would not be able to live.


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