the Scar Project - battle scars

I just got home from a long evening of waiting tables…my feet are killing me [or trying to] and I am shattered. But I need to have a space between work and sleep, so I thought I'd pick up my email. LOTS of email as I tend to neglect it these days, as I'm not at the computer so much.

Then I thought I'd just check the blog feeds. And I read a post by Daria.  The video is moving - and this link is also very interesting.

Breast cancer is not about 'cute pink' things. Sort of like Ovarian cancer is not about cute teal things. It's about real women fighting for their lives - and their lives are forever changed by the aftershocks of whatever cancer they have had. The physical scarring, the mental scarring - the constant deliberations about what 'could' or 'might be' after such a life changing event.

To quote from the article: "Breast cancer charities have been very successful with their society balls, pink ribbon days, fun runs, and mass bikini walks. They glamorise breast cancer to the point where the charity is almost dissociated from the disease. The ribbons are a desirable fashion statement, their events peppered with celebrities; they are the place to be if you want to be photographed with the glitterati."

I liked that the writer went back and photographed the billboard - he was that disturbed by the reality of the image.

Interesting that something so horrible can become 'glamorous' in the eyes of the world. But I am sure [I know] that it's NOT in the eyes of the women struck with breast cancer. NO cancer is glamorous. Cancer is repulsive.

This post from Daria. I have copied it straight from her blog:

"According to the website, The SCAR Project is a series of large-scale portraits of young breast cancer survivors shot by fashion photographer David Jay.

The pictures are all of women between the ages 18 and 35. All the ladies are topless and bear the physical scars of breast cancer."

This video is not for the faint hearted. And I am suddenly grateful for my sore feet. At least  am here to HAVE sore feet…

I think a video of the scarring resultant from Ovarian cancer would be a good thing too - the scars will not be as emotive to many, as a scarred belly is not the same as a scarred breast. A scarred breast is a direct hit at a woman's psyche. But they are nonetheless battle scars we wear. Cut open from breast bone to pubic bone - it's a Battle Scar.

idiots and neighbours

to go back to cancery stuff [ which I've been trying to avoid!] - I am still having sharp and odd pains in my belly. I am sure they are merely adhesions…but I am also thinking that 6 months is a LONG time between check ups. Even though I am so busy running from pillar to post…it weighs on my mind.

I can't quite get my head around it. All the pain is in the left hand side of my lower abdomen. Nothing happened there? Except scraping of the bowel where the cancer had spread from the ovary. Well, seems the bowel didn't think much of that and complains eternally. I hope. It makes me nervous though. Recurrence is never THAT far from my mind. Sadly.

Anyway, onward and upward! Some days, life is full of shit. really - it's infuriating, but sometimes the little things [the really meaningless things] can drive you completely sparko! Take today. I needed to go to the bank, and I needed cat food for the Small Beasties. I like to use small local shops [I am Mrs Anti-Sainsbury's-Taking-Over-The-World] and if the price is right, I'll use them. So off I went to the local 'centre' which has a load of little shops, including a really cool pet shop.

Got my kitten food, bread from the baker and did the banking [ha ha]. Felt rather jolly about the whole day so far.

I got into the car preparing to leave, and there was a woman getting into her small Gold Thing next to me. There was a horrendous wind today. She opened her rear passenger door, and the wind caught it - BANG! Into my rear passenger side panel. With force. I looked over, and she was merrily leaping into her Gold Thing, preparing to drive off. uh - I don't think so!! I leapt out of the car and asked her to stop [she would have had to run me over to leave].

I informed her that she had put a rather large dent in my Beemer. And that I'd like her insurance details please. She said she hadn't dented my car. I was astonished. And cross - and the more cross I become, the more polite and snotty I become. We had 'words'. I tried to explain to her that the obvious large scrape of gold [good grief - a gold car…ffft] paint on my dark blue car was from her door. She wasn't having it. Obviously [in her teeny brain - brain?? what brain??] IF her door had dented my car, there would be paint missing from her door. NOT!! Grr.

THEN she told me not to be 'stroppy'. Oh dear - like a red rag to a bull. Stroppy? And there was me, thinking I was being so restrained as I hadn't actually throttled her…some people have no idea at all about rage. I informed her that if she thought I was being stroppy [what a repulsive word!] she had yet to see true 'stroppiness' and should just push me a little harder in order to find out what it really is.

I think I must have looked quite scary [I tend to go bright white when I am furious], as she then said sorry and asked if I was 'all right'. DOH!! Obviously I was not!!

Eventually I got her phone and name - I hope. Not too serious if she gave the wrong details, as I took a photo of her car reg. And I have contacts in the police. So I will find her if she lied.

The whole point it this - if she'd just apologised, I'd have let it go. Who needs the hassle. It's a dent- there are far worse things, as we know. But she lied. I hate that. It will be interesting to see what happens when I call her for her details. I've had a quote - we will see.

Afterward I went round to my friend Claire - her husband is a brilliant artist and Body Shop person. He had a look at the car [in the pitch dark and rain - had to park under a lamp post!] and is confident it can be repaired for a reasonable amount. Claire supplied a calming glass of wine and lots of really neighbourly and 'friendy' type chat. And some headache tablets. :) I came away feeling much calmer - so lovely to have 'proper' neighbours - people who are there for you when you are at your wits end. Thanks Claire and John.

In the meantime, I have named the Wee Beasties!! Yay me!! This is Tigger Bear [Bear]:

And this is Tiger Lily [Lily]:

cycle kenya funds and cat news

this is going to be a lightning post, as I am racing out the door to work - but just had to share this - a friend of Tracey's, Darren, is doing this really amazing thing for me.

He's never even met me, but to help raise funds for the Women v Cancer cycle Kenya, he is selling products on eBay and giving me the profits! Not ME personally, but he'll put the money into the justgiving account.

How kind is that? I am chuffed to bits. Please see the link here if you'd like to buy one. Ovarian Cancer charity mug [it even has my ribbon on it - woo hoo!]. Thanks SO much Darren, and thanks to Tracey too for the intro. T-shirt next, when I have time to get the design sorted.

In the meantime, we now know the kittens are GIRLS, yay! So now to find some names that suit them - this morning, lightning and speedy come to mind, as they are like two little rockets racing about!

They seem rather partial to wine ;) Right I'm off, please tell your friends about the cool mug? Thanks!

more cats

now that they've been here two days, life is settling into a sort of rhythm again. New kittens [these are 11 weeks] are at first scared, then curious, then usually have an upset tummy from the move and different food etc. Ugh. I decided to try boiled chicken on my two - FAIL! Last night, after gobbling it down as if their lives depended on finishing it within 3 seconds, we had Throwing Up All Over The Place evening…poor little things.

So, no more chicken for a while! Both are recovered this morning - racing around like crazy things. They have taken to sleeping on my desk - draped around the Wacom pad. Nice company :)

In the meantime, my tummy is now back to normal [phew] - yesterday I only had to clean one chalet, which is no big deal. Less strain on the old belly muscles and less exhausting in general. Today - major gardening and on Friday [this is hilarious] I will be painting. As in 'Painting and Decorating'…good grief.

Which means I'm a lot less grumpy. Nothing like a bloated, painful stomach to send one into the doldrums. Ridiculous, but true. Pulled muscles? More likely heh heh

Now to try figure out if these kittens are boys or girls…no names until I do!

no time…

bloody hell...my life is STILL a chaos - no time for blogging, breathing, emailing...aaargh! Try to catch up here on all the goings on. But I probably WILL forget most of them!

One of the days last week was a nightmare. We had to clean 11 chalets. Three of us. One of 'us' was totally not 'with the programme', so basically it was two of us. Plus a hoovering person. Right. Hey ho...We cleaned 11 chalets in six hours. I made 22 single beds...my partner in crime made 11 double beds...we cleaned 22 bathrooms etc...fogo!!!

I felt great - until I got home. Then I had KILLING feet and the Dreaded Swollen Belly. Fffft - we all talk about this - it's a horrible thing, as the initial signs of ovarian cancer are a swollen belly etc. And I am aware that it's a norm after such radical surgery. Can be for YEARS afterward according to my surgeon. Bah.

Bugger! So - I was worrying a lot....it's been a while since I did 'this kind' of worrying. grr. And a while since I thought about this BS. Having a swollen tummy is upsetting - all we OC girls KNOW about this - but it doesn't make it any easier. To swallow. Deal with. Whatever...

So, whilst rolling a cigarette and looking for my glasses [they are always where I am not] I considered the next bit of this post - and I have to say, bloody ovarian cancer is a pain in the proverbial. We survive...but we worry. Constantly - stupid kind of cancer to get - breast cancer? You can live another 40 years - ovarian? fft - we just have to hope for the best. It's one of those cancers that just creeps back. On various internal bits. Ideally, we don't think about what or when. We just hope for the best.

And I stood on my glasses!! I don't believe this - my Pradas are now totalled...I dropped them, jumped off the kitchen stool at Shaun's [we were dog sitting last week at their lovely farm - see dogs above, nice and comfy by the Aga] to get them and viola...totalled - FFS!! I jumped ONTO them. I am sooooo tired of having to pay for things unnecessarily. its such a bore...

So. This week - off to the optician for repairs. Then off to buy stuff for my new kittens. woohoo! Sunday is going to be fab - two new kittens!

First photos of them at Annie's;

Great thing last week - Rachel came down!! So lovely to see her looking really well. And…pronounced completely cured of her cancer…can't get better than that!!