Wednesday, 20 August 2008

what happens after the last one...crunches?? OMG!!!

Wednesday 20th August

yikes! since the last post lots has happened and I have been too busy with work to catch up on here. So first to say thanks to everyone for STILL calling me, sending me cards and generally be good to me, even when I appear to disappear!

Firstly, I saw the ‘Personal Trainer’ yesterday. Henceforth known as Julie. Went through a routine of arm, leg and abdominal exercises [OMG!!], which took about 40 minutes. I felt great afterwards, even though I was totally exhausted and shaking; my brain must’ve liked it, as it was jumping around everywhere!

Julie has had exactly what I’ve had, except that so far, hers has been worse, so I am in good hands. If she can do all these crunches and things, well, so can I...but this morning I was in agony [a good sort – all my muscles having had the shock of their lives] and trying to repeat the same routine today was very hard. Too much abdominal pain – BUT saying that, I managed to do 20 of each of the exercises Julie set, if slowly. Better slowly than going mad and ‘doing myself a mischief’ as my Gran would’ve put it.

So now I will try to make this a daily routine. If I can get my flat belly back, there are two good reasons for the effort: A: I will feel better! B: I will be able to notice any small anomaly that occurs and race off to the GP to have it looked at. Another reason why I need to lose all this weight happily banged on by the steroids – I need to be able to notice any small bump or lump straight away. It’s easier if you are slimmer...aaargh. Fight, fight all the way it seems, but I will get there in the end – sooner rather than later would be good. Both for my confidence, and my health. Being fitter gives you a better chance of non recurrence as well.

I have a new and interesting habit of checking my tummy every morning for anything unusual – I am still trying to get used to the new terrain there, and also trying to ‘de-sensitise’ the scar. This involves massaging oil into it every time I have a bath/shower, and also using an exfoliating scrub on it to try to encourage healing. Hmm. We shall see. According to Dr Hong [you might want to skip this bit!] any recurrence is more than likely to appear on the stomach, and will have the same tedious symptoms. How I’d know I can’t imagine, as I am shattered half the time anyway! But a swollen belly I would notice immediately, so that’s good to know. NOT that it’s going to happen, but as the cubs say [do they?]: ‘Be Prepared’.

Secondly [and horribly!], I have to go to Portugal for an 8 day stint for work at the end of the month. This is something I have been dreading, but I knew it was coming. It would have been kinder to me to wait a while longer, as the stress is going to completely exhaust me. I know this, so I am trying to plan accordingly.

I have had to get a letter from my oncologist to say that I am fit to travel, plus another letter for passport control to explain why I don’t remotely resemble my passport photo. To other people it doesn’t seem that frightful to think about having no hair. After all, there are loads of bald people running around. But no eyelashes or eyebrows really affect ones appearance [and confidence] – I would really not enjoy it if I were stopped at the gate for looking like someone else [who?? heh heh]. Which I do! My brother said that he thinks it will be less stressful than I imagine – personally, I think it will likely be more stressful. The anxiety of queuing and waiting to see if there are any problems at the gate, the worry of catching something revolting from someone on the plane, the additional worry [and probably more realistic] about being so tired that I can’t cope when I am there...merde! It’s all a bit much really.

But saying that, I am lucky, as Aj is going to drive me up to the airport [4.00 am!! eek!] and collect me when I come back. So at least I don’t have to worry about falling asleep at the wheel. Plus my Clara offered to come and fetch me in Porto instead of letting the customary taxi driver fellow pick me up – another choice if I want it. Although I think I will just go with the taxi chap, then sleep for half the day on arrival! Also I have my friends there whom I know will look after me. And I have warned everyone about the possibility of me falling asleep on my desk...should be entertaining if nothing else!

So, blah blah as usual I have waffled on for an age – off to hang the washing out now – we are off to Cornwall for the weekend, I can’t wait! The first proper break we will have this year – hopefully the weather will have a miraculous change and we may have some sun. Otherwise Jenny and I will be spending the weekend in the sauna, spa and having nails and massages. Aj has booked us a room with a balcony which has a view over the sea – blissful. If the weather is crap, I shall dig in there with my book, my duvet and my wine – no problem!

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