Sunday, 21 September 2008

chemo effects linger on

Saturday 20th September

Ah chemo – 'the gift that keeps on giving'...since the last nuking session was over, I keep thinking I am fine. Because I do feel so much better. But then my poor battered body gets cross and reminds me that I am NOT fine, I AM still recovering.

Today was a classic example of this - first I was clipping the hedge this morning, full of beans, and I bumped my head on a branch - not the normal 'just bumped it' thing – the 'chemo style' bumped it thing - blood everywhere. So now, as well as looking rather butch due to my Grade 1 hair style, I have a nice scabby bit on my forehead! I ask you...spraying iodine on THAT was rather eye watering! ouch! Roll on the day when I am healing properly again. At least by this point I am not getting a big bruise there as well. People would think Aj is battering me! Scabs and scars everywhere at the moment.

So, Vicky, Grace and I went up to the town [today has been glorious! sunny and hot - perfect sandpit weather] and wandered around window shopping etc. We caught the bus up, had a sausage roll thingy sort of like a hotdog as we were starved, checked out the shoes and clothes which we couldn’t afford, met up with Jen and Martin, then had a fabulous pair of balloon butterfly wings made for Grace and afterward, wandered down the hill to the real McCoy vintage clothing shop – this used to be a doddle for me. But this time, by the time we reached the McCoy, I was shaking, having palpitations [is that the word for your heart beating really fast?] feeling faint, cold and generally panicking. Andrew was meeting us after work, and all I could think was "hurry up! I have a bad feeling about this!". Thankfully after a cup of coffee and a huge lump of coconut cake [and some of Grace’s carrot cake too], I started to get myself together. By now Aj had arrived [sigh of relief...] and I could relax knowing that if I did fall head first into a rail of clothing, he would rescue me. and also look after everyone else.

It is SO frustrating. The sudden attacks of total exhaustion, the other odd things that happen like unexpected and unexplained nausea, a stabbing pain in the groin, the horrid hot flashes, sudden tears and being upset about something that is actually quite nice...grr! Not that I am complaining about the chemo - that would be foolish as it probably and hopefully has saved my life by eradicating the tiniest bit of cancer that may have lingered after the radical surgery. BUT, when you are trying to get back to 'normal' it’s a right bugger to keep encountering these effects – the problem being that because I WISH they were gone, I THINK they are gone – but they’re not. Eventually they will be, I am just too impatient I think.

Just thought I’d let you know that 'being better after chemo' takes a much longer time than one might think.

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