nerves or no nerves?

Monday, 6 April 2009

It's strange. The 3 monthly check up seems to engender terror in all of us OC girls - at the very least, fright or worry. I have been thinking about this, and it’s hard to understand why we are so afraid. For instance, we go every year for a cervical smear, [well, the rational women amongst us do - the rest just have no sense]. Although now I don’t need to do that, having no cervix! Heh heh - one less revolting thing to have to do!! That nasty ripping sensation? Yuck!!

The smear test is obviously to check for cervical cancer. Right. So, we do this every year, and we don't stress with it. Well, I personally never have. I just trundled off to the GP [in the UK] or the gynae [in South Africa], did the unpleasant deed [ankles in the air and little bits torn out of ones insides? horrid, but sensible] and trundled home again, expecting that everything would be ok. And I was right. I never had cervical cancer. Thank you, Oh Powers that Be. I don’t think I could cope with two types of cancer - although I know a very strong woman who has had to. Amazing.

So how is it that a check up every 3 months after having HAD cancer removed, nuked and bashed over the head is so stressful? I haven’t worked it out yet, but I will eventually. Perhaps it’s down to all the bad press that OC gets - all the 'statistics'. The interesting remarks that we’ll be 'dead before 5 years are out'. WHAT!!??? WHO are these people?? I would quite like to smack them one. Bet they never had cancer?! My oncologist [an expert in her field] doesn't agree with them. My surgeon [also an expert in his field] doesn't agree with them either. So, where do 'they' get their 'facts' from?? Personally I don’t believe any of it - I will survive this disease the same way I have survived coughs, colds, pleurisy...whatever. I will survive this too. It’s just another disease.

By the way, I forgot to mention that the mammogram was clear!! Woop woop! [I know - how could I forget to mention that? er...I forgot!] I had the ghastly little brown envelope through the post while I was working in Portugal - Aj rang me to see if I wanted him to open it - oh, of course I did! He opened it and read it to me over the phone. Well, that was a relief! Everything is clear, and I have an appointment for next year. Thank goodness I work for a company that allows me unlimited calls to my husband - and for Outlook, or I'd never know WHAT I was doing. And also thank God for such an amazingly understanding husband. Most men would have just opened the envelope. And I would expect Aj to- but he didn’t. He called me first. How great is that?

And - as for chemo brain - so extremely irritating. I really can't remember any appointment/date/event or anything unless I put it in my reminders. Yay for technology. Thanks for the iPhone!! It’s a brilliant little piece of equipment. But – bad if I actually forget to add something to it - after all, the phone can’t recall anything unless I tell it to!

Anyhow - tomorrow I have the appointment at 3.15. Jones will arrive sometime after that, as we know well that the appointments are never on time. Do I care? Er - no. I don't - those people have been so good to me that I will wait however long it takes. As long as I see either Renninson or Hong, I am happy.

And thank you all you crazy people who sent me cards and messages - it means so much!