Saturday, 13 February 2010

being a ninja

11Image: azuzephre//jeff thomas

You know I already mentioned how hard it is to accept good news? Well, it gets easier.

The last few days I seem to have been in a daze – after thinking for weeks [yes, yes, I know it was stupid – assuming things always is] that I was in for a recurrence, now I am in this parallel universe where I am so happy! So. No. Not a daze. A surreal state? You who have followed the blog for ages will know very well that I am not a person who 'does' surreal – I like to be completely in the here and now. I like to be right up there with the facts. But this is something else. It's like a weight has been literally lifted off my shoulders.

Sounds prosaic right? But it's true. I can't think of ANYTHING in my life that has made me happier than knowing the cancer hasn't come back. And to be honest, I have had a LOT of wonderful things happen in my short life. But none of them would have the effect that a return of cancer would have had on me and mine.

The thing is, this isn't just about me. It's about the FH too. And my family; my friends. That is one of the reasons this is so great. I was so worried – imagine them having to go through all this AGAIN because of me. Uff. No thanks. I am tired of pretending that everything is ok. Being Ninja Cancer Girl gets boring after a few years…nice to actually really FEEL ok. And mean it.

So – I am feeling on top of the world!! Mainly for both of us – me and the FH. Because now we have time. There's ALWAYS going to be the worry of a recurrence – but  it doesn't happen like lightning. And to be clear in the first 2 years is very  encouraging.

I appear to be in remission. OMG!! It's the most amazing feeling. At last. Long may it go on!! Ad nauseum if possible? And thank you SO much all of you who have been, and still are, there for me. Your support means the world to me. Thank you.

But thank you most of all to my wonderful, amazing husband. You are the BEST thing that ever happened to me.


  1. yes. even ninjas have feelings too. you go, girl! :-)

  2. love that you're in that surreal state - intoxicating isn't it? enjoy every moment. and i will come down to see you and your FH - we'll have much to celebrate... love and hugs XOX

  3. SO happy for you! It feels too wonderful to describe -- finding out (after worrying endlessly) that all is clear. May you have many more years of feeling this good! ;)

  4. Ohmygosh!!! This was the best post I have read in ages. and yet somehow I missed it until today. I literally wept with joy when I finally got tothe word remission!!! I am so thrilled for you! Ok seriously I need a kleenex, I understand the pretending everything is ok, but my darlin' now it is so you can STOP PRETENDING and live your life!!!

    I bet you'll have celebrated with a delishious vintage? Tell me how did/will you properly celebrate?

    ((hugs)) I hope you NEVER have to pretend again!

  5. you crazy person ;o) see the post

    we had pizza and wine!! really wild we are hahaha


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