still thinking

today's been a bit better –it's odd, before the laparoscopy I didn't really think about the after effects other than the obvious ones; did I have a recurrence, didn't I have a recurrence, and the little Brain Rats were going: 'you do, you do!! snigger snigger'. So I was waking up every day and night for weeks and weeks, thinking I probably had a recurrence. But going through the days absolutely positive that I didn't have one. This is the difference between my conscious and my sub-conscious minds. The conscious mind seems to have a far better grasp on How To Stay Sane. Whereas the sub-conscious seems to have no bloody idea and just tries to drive you mad as a hatter.

So I hadn't considered how long I would take to get back to normal [that seems so be a repeating refrain with all cancery types – when am I going to Get Back to Normal??]. Hmm – seems those days are long gone and I now have a new normality. But never mind that – what I mean is, I didn't think about this as being surgery. So I didn't consider the 'getting better' bit much.

Yesterday I finally had a chat with Gail. She said I can take off the dressings as of now, if I want to. Tomorrow they are coming off, as they are starting to ITCH. And she said I need to take it easy for three weeks. THREE WEEKS??  One week is gone almost, so just two left. Not so bad. She pointed out that even though I seem to have 'just' three little holes in me, which will soon heal up, Renninson had a field day rummaging about in there, cutting and prodding things. So there will be bleeding and bruising. Inside. Ugh. So I refuse to carry the Hoover up the  stairs. :o)

Early last night was horrendous – the post surgery wind kicked in and I felt like I was merely two arms, two legs and a head hanging off a torso with a mind of it's own. Shoulder pain, neck pain and a very sore tummy. And feeling quite delirious. So I went to bed full of painkillers for MORE sleep!

Today I only took the painkillers in the morning and I've been ok so far – the bruising is coming out and  still have a bloated painful tummy, but it's a lot less painful that's for sure. Did some housework and pottered about. Another early night for me!

Oh, and I DO wish  could get used to / believe this fabulous news!! It's so surreal – it seems easy to accept bad news, so why can't I accept the good news the same way?  I think the biopsy report will do it. Black and white and all that. But I don't understand why it still hasn't sunk in. Think I'm a bit thick??