Tuesday, 1 July 2008

cycling again and being bitten back

Sunday 29th June

Sunday evening I managed to cycle to the Quay and back! Excellent, as it’s about 2 miles there and 2 miles back. Way to go. AND this was after attacking the Clematis that has been trying to take over our garden – I was racing around on the roofs of the garages behind our house, hacking it back like a mad woman this morning – Andrew madly packing the off-cuts into a pallet cover for removal to the tip. So, an energetic morning all round. Great, as I at first thought I wouldn’t be able to do anything, because I could hear my heart – this is not normal. Early this morning my heart was racing and I felt quite sick – went to lie down for half an hour and it went away, but it was a bit distressing. It’s easy to ‘think’ that you’re not on chemo – and easy to pretend you’re normal. But it bites you back and reminds you very quickly.

This last week has been a bit of a pain in the proverbial, as I usually expect to be pretty normal in the 3rd week. NOT this time. I have been totally exhausted, and my legs/feet have been swelling up – something like water retention I think. My hands have been swelling as well, and I have now gained a stone in weight [yep – given up on the healthy eating, as I just can’t be bothered. Fight steroids? er – no. Enough battling going on ta]. Everyone assumes that when you have cancer you get really thin and ill looking – not so, it’s more likely that you will gain weight. Something to do with the steroids, plus the fact that all you feel like eating is stodge. Cancer is expensive! You have to buy new clothes as well as hair! At least my shoes still fit...

I am having blurred vision, and need to wear my sunglasses all the time – when I am working I am struggling but at least with the computer you can blow everything up to the size you need. The reason is that I have barely any eyelashes, nor eyebrows. This causes all sorts of complications, the smallest being that when you wash your face in the bath, you have to dry it immediately, the shower water just runs directly into your eyes – a bath you can keep a towel to hand - a shower it’s not so easy. Grr. Oh well, they apparently grow back first – good show!

And what else? Hmm – oh yes, the more I do things the better I feel – but I struggle to get myself into ‘doing things mode’ – it would be so nice to just sleep for hours, maybe days. But not a good idea, as one needs to get ones butt into gear - I always feel better once I’ve done something physical, but it is SO hard to get moving...

But only 6 more weeks...

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