Saturday 12th July
How weird - I just discovered that the Paclitaxel [the chemo that makes your hair fall out] is made from Yew bark. Well, there’s a tree that I never want in my garden thanks! The first chemotherapy drugs to be used on patients were based on a poisonous gas called nitrogen mustard. Nice.
Who discovers these things? Do they wake up one morning and think: "Aha! Perhaps I will just boil yonder tree, make someone breathe the result and see what happens..." – oops, I say! All your hair fell out??...sorry chaps!
Not that I am complaining mind you.
By the way peeps, just because someone is having chemotherapy doesn't mean they don't still want to at least ATTEMPT to lead a normal life - even if you can’t manage something, you still want to at least have the opportunity to TRY. Don't automatically assume someone is feeling too ill or tired to do something - ask them.
Today it appears my sense of humour is back, I think it might be to do with imagining my big Toughie Tooth brother wearing green elf boots and prancing about in the flower beds...An Elvish tattoo?? Whaahahaha. Yes, you just had to be there I’m afraid. Yesterday afternoon I had such a laughing attack I almost fell off my chair, and couldn’t work for half an hour - chuckalicious for sure. I reckon there's nothing AT ALL better than a good laugh. What made it even funnier was the fact that with hardly any eyelashes it's hard to see with all the laughing making them water...
This weeks excitement was yet another parcel arriving [I think the postman is getting much stronger this year from all the carrying – health benefits courtesy of my family & friends heh heh] - a cool lens filter affair for our camera, which I have been meaning to buy for ages, but my other brother [the sans elf boots one] decided to take matters into his own hands and sent me the whole system. Took me an hour to work out how to attach it to the camera! Fantastic - fun things to test out this weekend.
Maybe because it's the weekend and I can sleep as much as I like, maybe because I am back on the upward curve in the cycle [just in time to be bashed back down again – uff! stop thinking like that! see? two people in here...], maybe because I am actually looking a little more positively at the end of the chemo - today just seems a better day. I am having to FORCE myself to be positive now, but too bad - time to get a grip and start planning stuff I think. Although I say that now - 2 weeks time I’ll be wondering if I was insane whilst typing this, as I'll be back in zombie mode for a while. But at least it'll be the LAST while. I hope.
I think I am concerning myself too much with other people's expectations as well - it scares me that everyone will think I am 100% back to normal once the chemo's over, and that they may be disappointed. Then again, they may not. God, life is so full of confusions right now. Where are those days when the biggest worry was a spot on the chin or cellulite on the butt?!
Anyway, next week should be a bit better, then Tuesday 22nd July - the last 8 hour nuking session!! Ooo – dread? Excitement? Hmm. Needs reflection that's for sure. Then again - whatever I think doesn't matter, as it's finite as most things are, so I will just have to readjust to the next stage of this hideous trip. Plus I am seeing Dr Hong then - so all my panic-stricken questions will be answered, hopefully having a calming effect on the old brain...
Oh, and this weekend we can have Planalto!! Whoo hoo – cheers all!
How weird - I just discovered that the Paclitaxel [the chemo that makes your hair fall out] is made from Yew bark. Well, there’s a tree that I never want in my garden thanks! The first chemotherapy drugs to be used on patients were based on a poisonous gas called nitrogen mustard. Nice.
Who discovers these things? Do they wake up one morning and think: "Aha! Perhaps I will just boil yonder tree, make someone breathe the result and see what happens..." – oops, I say! All your hair fell out??...sorry chaps!
Not that I am complaining mind you.
By the way peeps, just because someone is having chemotherapy doesn't mean they don't still want to at least ATTEMPT to lead a normal life - even if you can’t manage something, you still want to at least have the opportunity to TRY. Don't automatically assume someone is feeling too ill or tired to do something - ask them.
Today it appears my sense of humour is back, I think it might be to do with imagining my big Toughie Tooth brother wearing green elf boots and prancing about in the flower beds...An Elvish tattoo?? Whaahahaha. Yes, you just had to be there I’m afraid. Yesterday afternoon I had such a laughing attack I almost fell off my chair, and couldn’t work for half an hour - chuckalicious for sure. I reckon there's nothing AT ALL better than a good laugh. What made it even funnier was the fact that with hardly any eyelashes it's hard to see with all the laughing making them water...
This weeks excitement was yet another parcel arriving [I think the postman is getting much stronger this year from all the carrying – health benefits courtesy of my family & friends heh heh] - a cool lens filter affair for our camera, which I have been meaning to buy for ages, but my other brother [the sans elf boots one] decided to take matters into his own hands and sent me the whole system. Took me an hour to work out how to attach it to the camera! Fantastic - fun things to test out this weekend.
Maybe because it's the weekend and I can sleep as much as I like, maybe because I am back on the upward curve in the cycle [just in time to be bashed back down again – uff! stop thinking like that! see? two people in here...], maybe because I am actually looking a little more positively at the end of the chemo - today just seems a better day. I am having to FORCE myself to be positive now, but too bad - time to get a grip and start planning stuff I think. Although I say that now - 2 weeks time I’ll be wondering if I was insane whilst typing this, as I'll be back in zombie mode for a while. But at least it'll be the LAST while. I hope.
I think I am concerning myself too much with other people's expectations as well - it scares me that everyone will think I am 100% back to normal once the chemo's over, and that they may be disappointed. Then again, they may not. God, life is so full of confusions right now. Where are those days when the biggest worry was a spot on the chin or cellulite on the butt?!
Anyway, next week should be a bit better, then Tuesday 22nd July - the last 8 hour nuking session!! Ooo – dread? Excitement? Hmm. Needs reflection that's for sure. Then again - whatever I think doesn't matter, as it's finite as most things are, so I will just have to readjust to the next stage of this hideous trip. Plus I am seeing Dr Hong then - so all my panic-stricken questions will be answered, hopefully having a calming effect on the old brain...
Oh, and this weekend we can have Planalto!! Whoo hoo – cheers all!
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