Tuesday, 22 December 2009

suspicious CT scan results

Hmm. Last year, cancer. This year, Aj has lumps in his abdomen which frightened me half to death  [thankfully nothing bad], I get over cancer and grow my hair back, then no job. Pretty bad.

Oh and the scan has something 'suspicious' on it. On the right, where the initial cancer was. A Suspicious Thing. Oh joy. Bad things always come in threes. Obviously losing my job wasn't quite 'bad' enough.

John Renninson called me today and very kindly told me that I need to get my ass down to the RD&E tomorrow morning at 10.00 to discuss what options we have regarding finding out precisely 'what' the Suspicious Thing is. I asked him what he THOUGHT it was and he said he doesn't want to have this conversation by phone, better to come in and discuss it, but it may be a recurrence. But he's not sure. Well, he should be sure – he's my expert! But he's not. Sure, that is.

Aj's face went white when I told him, and took all afternoon to get back to it's normal colour. My poor husband.

So I am saving my Nervous Breakdown for after the procedure that will see what the hell it is. Hopefully it's something fun like a scar tissue, a fatty lump or a chip that went down the wrong way. Hopefully I won't have to be chopped open like a sardine tin once again.

I did send out 2 C.V's today. And I coloured my hair [which is now an interesting shade of 'WHAT the hell kind of brown is that'??]. At least I achieved something. All be it looking rather like a short demented red haired person. It said Chestnut on the box! I think the CHEST part was the error…

And I have been thinking about how tired I have been lately. Again. Exhausted and wrung out. The travelling to Portugal was half killing me. And I did have a bad feeling about this scan, even though my CA 125 has remained low. Renninson did tell me not to rely on it.

But, on a more amusing note, tomorrow afternoon the Times are sending a photographer to take "cheerful, happy" photos of me for their Christmas Special [with the NUT coloured hair]. A cheerful, happy, cancery type talking on Facebook. Hmm…interesting to say the least. Not what I'd call Christmassy!!

Update tomorrow. Now, wine.


  1. Definitely wine! and some WHINING. Sheesh.
    Love the description/name of the hair colour.

  2. Oh Sandhy... I'm hoping for the best! I have you in my thoughts!

  3. oh fuck.

    I'm so sorry. This just sucks. I hope what ever it is is something easily removable. Get that shit out of you. fuck fuck fuck.

  4. Hell-that's a damn pain for sure. I am thinking about you and hoping you are enjoying your wine. Have another one- why not? I will tune in tomorrow to see how you are doing. XX

  5. yeah - fuck is my operative word right now. but we will seee tomorrow - thanks for the comments girls. means a lot. :o)

    PS: Sam - you made me laugh so much - fuck x 3 is always hilarious!!

  6. LJ - cheers babe. see you tomorrow! :o)

  7. Thinking of you. Praying it is not a recurrence.

  8. I hope everything goes well and it is nothing serious friend!!!


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