why?

this week a friend asked me why I blog in the 'middle of the night'. I said because it helps me. To sleep. To be calm.  She sounded sceptical and suggested listening to audio books. I have tried them – they make me insane. But it was a nice question – it made me feel she cared. I know she  does.

I didn't go into the technicalities. But her question did make me think. Why DO I blog so late?? And having thought about it – I blog so late because it keeps away the nightmares. It empties my mind into to the virtual world, so that I can have at least a little sleep.

Insomnia is horrible. But, as a side effect of having had cancer; not unmanageable – better to be awake half the night than to be dead. But frustrating nonetheless. Audio books could be the answer – but the readers all seem to have such aggravating voices – I prefer to read to myself. And I do. A lot. Eventually ones eyes become so tired that one has to sleep – only to awake 1 hour later…it is shocking – you think you've been sleep for hours. But you haven't. I wake up on a 2 hour basis. It sucks. Sometimes I go downstairs for a cigarette. Sometimes, not. I read. I drink lots of water. I think too much.

I blog.