I don't think I was particularly clear about what is happening in the last blog post. But then again, I wasn't feeling very clever at the time, so there you go. My girls have been asking questions that I thought I had answered. Well, I hadn't. Looked over the last post and noticed LARGE gaps in the information. Sorry. Brain is mush.
What happened is this: CT scan in December. Couldn't go to Portugal to work because of that and family commitments. Then I lost my contract because I couldn't go. Uff. Seems that cancer can cause all sorts of BS that you never consider. Until it happens. Well, there you go eh? Life goes on…I will find other work.
Then the CT scan came back with 'something' on it. [I begin to hate the word 'something' AND the New Year]. I went into the RD&E to meet Renninson [my lovely surgeon]. He came in especially to see me just before Christmas. Nice or what?
Anyway, the meeting went thus: 'I have seen something on the scan that looks like a 'thickening'. It needs to be investigated. I don't know what it is, but there's a 50/50 chance it is either scar tissue or a recurrence. Before we go down the road of more chemo, I want to see what it is'. Me: Swallow [chemo? again? fuck!]. Aj: freak out. He heard 'it is cancer'. But we sorted that out. I love my husband – he is so involved with me. And I hate that he has to be. It takes things from his life. This is so unfair to him. Do ALL cancer patients feel as guilty as I do?
So, the next steps are: tomorrow, the MRI scan. I understand this to be a pre-op measure – so Renninson can see what is going on in there. A PET scan was out of the question, as he said it would merely show up a 'hot spot'. This would not tell him whether it is cancer or not, so no need for that. Ok. But at least I had the info to ask the question – thanks Nat. Then the pre-op meeting. Then I will find out when the surgery will take place.
The other thing Renninson will do [I am trying to be CLEAR here] is to try to find out what is causing the pain on my left side [although, thanks to Senekot, that seems to be receding]
Bugger. And yes, I could curse a LOT here. grr. But I won't. I will keep the Zen brain I succeeded with today…THIS IS BETTER.
Sort out the office [where I am sitting right now in the midst of a ton of stuff!]. Clean the house. Look for work. Get on with it. Ok.
Good fun this isn't it? But at least two good things happened today – the car is fixed [£100.00] and the front window [which some prat smashed while we were away] is fixed too…